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Al Michaels.....Darrell Hammond Ray Lewis.....Tracy Morgan O.J. Simpson (voice).....Jerry Minor Jennifer Lopez (voice).....herself Rae Carruth: (voice).....Jimmy Fallon Al Michaels: He went from adversity to stardom within the mere course of a year. Now tonight, he shares his story. I'm Al Michaels, and tonight I'm talking with Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis. He became the Super Bowl MVP after a very tumultuous year. Welcome, Ray. Ray Lewis: Thank you, Al. Al Michaels: Ray, tell the folks in your own words what heppened on the night of January 30, 2000. Ray Lewis: Well, at a Super Bowl party last year, two guys got killed, and I was arrested for their murder. It took a long few months, but the charges against me were finally dropped. Al Michaels: So you were found not guilty? Ray Lewis: Well, not exactly, they just got me to plead to a lesser charge and I was freed on probation. Al Michaels: So you were never really punished. Ray Lewis: Well, the NFL gave me a $250,000 fine! That's a lot of money to take out of a man's pocket! Al Michaels: How much do you make a year, Ray? Ray Lewis: That's besides the point, see, I currently have less beer in my fridge because of that fine. Al Michaels: Okay, Ray, let's talk about the Super Bowl. Ray Lewis: About time. Al Michaels: Ray, the Baltimore defense put on a stunning show, holding the Giants to 152 yards and 11 first downs. That's a great defense you've got there, Ray. Ray Lewis: Well, thank you Al, I was voted the NFL's Defensive Player of the Year. Al Michaels: How did you learn so much about defense? Ray Lewis: Well, Al.. Al Michaels: Could it be from hanging around all of those defense lawyers this year? Ray Lewis: No, Al, I.. Al Michaels: I hear they know a lot about defense. I hear they once got a vicious criminal off scot-free. Ray Lewis: I never heard about that, um.. Al Michaels: If they can defend someone like that, then what's a little eensy-weensy Giant offense, don't you think so, Ray? Ray Lewis: Look, I know what you're saying, and it's completely unfair. You can't just judge me without.. Al Michaels: I understand we have a call, go ahead, caller. O.J. Simpson: Hi, this is O.J. Simpson. Um, I'd just like to congratulate Ray Lewis on his amazing feat. Ray Lewis: Well, thank you, sir. O.J. Simpson: I just have to say, it was amazing, the way you held those guys at bay, how you made sure to cover the whole ground, and your running was great as well. Ray Lewis: Thanks a lot, it means a lot coming from a football legend like you. O.J. Simpson: You're very welcome. Hey, can I ask you one thing? Ray Lewis: Anything, Juice. O.J. Simpson: Just how firmly did you hold it? Ray Lewis: The Giants' defense? Well, I.. O.J. Simpson: No, man, the knife! How did you hold the knife? Ray Lewis: Um, O.J, I was acquitted of this murder. O.J. Simpson: You're not the only one. Ray Lewis: I don't think this is very fair. O.J. Simpson: Can I just say one thing? As a player, I never won a Super Bowl. How thankful I am that one of us has finally achieved that goal. Ray Lewis: One of us? What do you.. Oh God, listen, I don't want to talk to you anymore, please don't be offended. O.J. Simpson: Okay, then, I'll see you tonight. Ray Lewis: What? O.J. Simpson: I said I'll see you at some undetermined moment in our lives. Al Michaels: Goodbye, Juice. Wow, two men, who are simply great at what they love to do. Ray Lewis: You're talking about football, right? Al Michaels: Yes, football, of course. Lets move on to the next caller. Jennifer Lopez: Hello, Ray, this is Jennifer Lopez! Ray Lewis: Jennifer, what's going on? Jennifer Lopez: Well, as you know, I've recently broken up with Puff Daddy, and I was wondering if I could snare you on the rebound. Ray Lewis: Me? Well, I don't know why you'd look for me specifically, but.. Jennifer Lopez: Well, after breaking it off with Puffy, I knew I wanted something different. So, the logical move of course, would be to follow up the gun-toting maniac with the knife-wielding maniac! Ray Lewis: What? Jennifer Lopez: Call me crazy, but I like a man who lives that kind of life. Ray Lewis: You know what, Jennifer, I just realized that I can't commit to a relationship right now, so I'll have to take a rain check on that. Jennifer Lopez: It's about my ass, isn't it? Well, I wouldn't mind you doing a little plastic surgery on it with your skilled hands.. Ray Lewis: Goodbye! Al Michaels: Some people just can't keep their hands off of you. Anyway, Ray, what was the hardest thing you had to face through this ordeal? Ray Lewis: Well, the fact that I may never see my family again, and also that I may have to spend a long time in prison, away from the game of football. Al Michaels: Yes. Ray, tell me what it is you prefer about the game of football, over, say, baseball or golf. Ray Lewis: Well, it's.. Al Michaels: Is it the total dominance you have over the players? The fact that you can tackle them and bring them to the ground, and no one can penalize you because that's the object of the game? Ray Lewis: Well, that's true, but.. Al Michaels: Because, Ray, if you tried that in golf, they'd turf your ass off the tour so fast That's why a guy like you chose football, right? Ray Lewis: Weren't we talking about my Super Bowl success? Al Michaels: I'll ask the questions here. Oh, it sounds like we have another phone call.. Ray Lewis: Joe Montana? Al Michaels: No, in fact, this call comes from a prison somewhere in North Carolina, please welcome Rae Carruth! [ there is a pause ] Rae, are you there? Rae Carruth: Show off! [ hangs up ] Ray Lewis: Okay, now I'm getting upset. Al Michaels: That scares me. The guys at the door did search you, right? Ray Lewis: Actually, I slipped past when they were giving Dan Fouts a breathylizer test. Al Michaels: Well, it was sure nice talking to you, but I have to.. well, to be completely honest, run away from you. Ray Lewis: Yeah, you'd better, bitch! Al Michaels: This has been Ray Lewis, Super Bowl MVP. Murderous Vicious Psycho! Ray Lewis: You'd better take that back, or.. Psycho starts with "P"? Al Michaels: Join me next week when Patrick Roy and Jason Kidd argue about who beat their wife harder. [ fade to black ] Rate or review this sketch. |
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