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.....Sean Hayes Anne Heche.....Chris Kattan Sean Hayes: Thank you! It's great to be hosting "Saturday Night Live"! Many of you probably recognize me from the hit show "Will & Grace". This has been a terrific year for us! Myself, the cast and crew, we're all very gay about it - you know, happy? Though, personally, I've always felt the show should focus on my character more, and that, instead of calling it "Will & Grace", the producers should have just called the show "Just Jack!" [ Anne Heche walks onstage ] Anne Heche: Excuse me, Mr. Hayes? Sean Hayes: Yes? do I know you? Anne Heche: I'm Anne Heche. I was on "Ellen". Sean Hayes: The sitcom? Anne Heche: No, the actress. Anyway, I've starred in many movies, and I've played a variety of roles - sometimes even women. Sean Hayes: Right. Is this going somewhere? Anne Heche: Well, I think "Will & Grace" is a terrific show, and I think it's wonderful that you have two gay men on the show. But I was wondering if you were going to add any lesbonian characters in the future? Sean Hayes: [ confused ] Lesbonian? I think you mean "lesbian". Anne Heche: Right, lesbian. Whatever. I'm an actress, I can play anything. Sean Hayes: That may be, but I don't think the producers have plans to add any lesbian characters to the show. Anne Heche: Well, I think they're missing out on a tremendous opportunity. The possibilities are endless. I'll tell you - I'd love to make out with that little bitch Karen! Sean Hayes: Oh, you wouldn't stand a chance with Karen! Anne Heche: Well, Will, then. I don't think he's really gay. He's more like "Ellen" gay. Whatever gets the best ratings, right? Sean Hayes: Will really is gay, Anne. Anne Heche: Well, it doesn't make a difference. I'd be happy to appear up on your show and make out with a man or a woman! Say, does your character have a dog? I'd be thrilled to make out with your dog - I just want to be on your show, dammit! Sean Hayes: Fine. But you'll have to talk to James Brooks, our producer. Anne Heche: Great! I'll be in his office Monday morning! Oh, one more thing.. you've been here rehearsing all week, maybe you can help me with this query. Is Chris Kattan gay? Sean Hayes: Is her ever! He's gay like a $9 bill. Anne Heche: $9, huh? I didn't think you would give it that high a denomination.. Sean Hayes: Oh, yeah. Anne Heche: Well.. it's not like I'm "interested" in him or anything. I was just asking.. Did he tell you he was gay? Sean Hayes: No. Anne Heche: Then how do you know if he is or not? Sean Hayes: [ smug ] Women's intuition. Anne Heche: What is that? Sean Hayes: What are you, Anne? Straight? Gay? Bi? Man? Woman? Anne Heche: [ panicking ] I.. don't.. know..! I just want to be loved by Ellen! [ starts crying ] Sean Hayes: Uh-oh! Anne Heche: [ tears clearing ] Cri-sis! Sean Hayes: [ Christopher Lowell-style ] Mmmmm-hmmmmm! Anne Heche: Oh no! Sean Hayes: Uh-oh! Together: Mmmmm-hmmmmm! Sean Hayes: We've got a great show tonight! Shaggy is here, so stick around, we'll be right back! Anne Heche: Mmmmm-hmmmmm! Sean Hayes: Mmmmm-hmmmmm! Rate or review this sketch. |
