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Steve.....Conan O'Brien Mom.....Ana Gasteyer [ View of Steve's house. Steve can be seen through the window. ] Steve: Hi out there! It's me, Steve! Have you seen Blue, my puppy? [ Blue comes into the scene ] Kids: There she is! Steve: Come on in! [ The scene moves inside as Blue goes inside. ] Steve: Oh, hi there. I'm glad you came to have fun with me and Blue today. We're going to have so much fun, because today, we have a special guest. Boys and girls, my mother is visiting me today. [ Steve's Mother staggers by ] Mom: I don't feel so good. Steve: Lovely to have you over here, too, Mom. Mom: Keep that damn dog away from me. Last time I was here she left one of her “clues” in my bed! Steve: Mom, don't be scared of Blue. She's real smart. By the way, Blue, wasn't there something we were supposed to do today? Mom: You're damn right! You were supposed to.. Steve: Mom, please, don't distract Blue. Blue, can you think of anything? [ Blue rushes up to the front and leaves a pawprint on the screen ] Steve: Oh.. We'll play Blue's Clues to find out what I was supposed to do today! Mom: You don't need to play the dog's stupid game, I can tell you right now! Steve: Uh, Mom, we're in the middle of a game here. [ sings ] We are gonna play Blue's Clues, cause it's a really great game. [ speaking ] Now remember, Blue's pawprint will be on the clues. Blue's Clues. Mom: Oh boy. I'm gonna lie down for a sec. [ plops across Steve's Thinking Chair. There is a pawprint on her fanny. ] Kids: A clue! Steve: You see a clue? Where? Kids: On your mom! Steve: [ turns around ] On my mom! Oh my God, Mom, there's a clue on your ass! Mom: [ half listening ] Hot diggity. Steve: I need to write this down in my handy-dandy… notebook. [ pulls it out and begins drawing his mom, desribing. ] We have a face, a body, two arms, two legs.. and we have my mom. [ Steve's mom looks over his shoulder and slaps him ] Mom: My ass is not that big! Will you let me sleep here! Steve: Okay, mom. Why don't we go into the kitchen and look for more Blue's Clues? Mom: Why don't you go play in some traffic and look for some Blue's Clues in there? Steve: A tempting offer, Mom, but last time you told me to do that, I didn't find any. I just got hit in the head by a Mack truck. The kitchen it is. [ Steve and Blue head to the kitchen. There is a pawprint on a medicine bottle ] Kids: A clue, a clue! Steve: You see another clue? Where? Kids: On the bottle. Steve: [ looks ] Yes! It appears to be my mom's medicine. Anyway, it's a clue, so let's write it down. [ draws the bottle in his notebook. ] So, what could I have to do today with my mom and my mom's medicine? My mom.. and my mom's medicine. Mom (o.s): Try hitting me on the head with it! Maybe it'll be a painless death! Steve: I think we need to find one more Blue's Clue. Why don't we look in the bedroom? [ Steve and Blue head to the bedroom. There is a note taped to Steve's bed which clearly reads “Give Mom Her Medicine.” There is a pawprint on it. ] Kids: A clue, a clue! Steve: Where? Kids: That note! Steve: Oh, my “Give Mom Her Medicine” note! It's a clue! I'd better write that down! So we have my mom, her medicine, and a note saying to give my mom her medicine. All three clues. We have all three clues! That means we're ready for our… Thinking Chair! [ Steve heads back to the living room to sit in his Thinking Chair, which his mom is napping in. ] Steve: Um, Mom… could you get up for a second? We just found all three clues, and I kinda have to sit in my Thinking Chair now. Mom: Oh, boy, what does it matter? I'm done for anyway. Steve: That's the spirit! [ pushes his mom out of the chair and sits down. ] Now, we're trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with, my mom, her medicine, and a note telling me to give my mom her medicine. Mom: Maybe you're supposed to put the note in the bottle and throw it out to sea. Steve: Mom, don't be silly, where would you come in? Mom: Listen, Steve. I'm very sick, and, God-willing, I may die soon, so let me just say.. Steve: Mom, the boys and girls and I are trying to figure something out here. Mom: Steve, you're supposed to give me my damn medicine! Steve: Hold it. Yes! That's it! I was supposed to read that note, and it would remind me to give the medicine to my mom! Mom, you've said numerous times that this game is retarded, but you just figured out Blue's Clues! [ gets up, sings and dances ] Mom just figured out Blue's Clues, Mom just figured out Blue's Clues, Mom just figured out Blue's Clues, because.. [ Steve stops, bends over and takes his mom's pulse ] Steve: ..because she WAS very smart. Listen, thank you for all your help today, but I've gotta get you out of here before Mom starts to smell like that milk I've had in my fridge for a while. [ camera fades out ] Rate or review this sketch. |
