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.....Julie Stiles .....Ryan Stiles .....Colin Mochrie .....Wayne Brady .....Steven Tyler Julia Stiles: It is great to be in New York City, hosting "Saturday Night Live"! In case you don't know me, I'm in the new movie "Save The Last Dance".. [ minor applause from audience ] Thank you! [ major applause as ABC's Ryan Stiles walks out ] Ryan Stiles: Hello, Julia Stiles. I'm Ryan Stiles - from TV's "Drew Carey Show" and "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Julia Stiles: Okay.. and how would I know you..? Are we related? Ryan Stiles: Probably not. Julia Stiles: Right. So, what brings you here, then? Ryan Stiles: Well, quite frankly, I'm a little disappointed that they haven't asked me to host this show! I've paid my dues! I worked the Second City, along with such veterans of this show as Bill Murray, Mike Myers, and Horatio Sanz. Not to mention hosts like Robert Klein and Betty Thomas. Proven performers in the world of comedy! Instead, the producers kowtow to the teen audience.. the demographic that's the least likely to be awake, or at home. They're usually out illegally entering bars and cars.. not sitting at home watching monkey-man sketches on a once-legitimate broadcasting network. [ Clin Mochrie appears on stage ] Colin Mochrie: Ryan, what do you think you're doing? [ a round of "Questions Only" begins ] Ryan Stiles: Isn't it obvious? Colin Mochrie: Should it be? Ryan Stiles: Well, what do you think? Colin Mochrie: I don't know, why don't you tell me? Ryan Stiles: [ grimaces ] Why haven't they asked me to host? Colin Mochrie: Could it be because you're grotesque? [ Ryan cracks up, losing his pace; buzzer sounds, as Wayne Brady enters to major applause ] Wayne Brady: [ looking at Julia ] Who's the chick? Colin Mochrie: Why are you asking me? Wayne Brady: Weren't you in her dressing room earlier? Colin Mochrie: [ shifts eyes ] You think she likes older men? Wayne Brady: [ trying not to laugh ] Hope.. so..? [ cracks up ] [ buzzer sounds, as Julia Stiles takes Wayne's place ] Julia Stiles: Isn't this supposed to be my monologue? Colin Mochrie: What's it to you? Julia Stiles: You see that door over there? Colin Mochrie: You mean the one marked "EXIT"? Julia Stiles: Yeah, why don't you guys walk through it and leave me alone? Colin Mochrie: [ pause ] Who's going to make us? [ Steven Tyler walks onstage ] Steven Tyler: Hey, man, you guys got a problem? Colin Mochrie: [ perplexed ] Didn't you guys get your start opening for Dean Martin? Steven Tyler: [ presses against Colin ] Why don't the four of us step outside? Ryan Stiles: [ nervous ] I guess we'd better leave.. Wayne Brady: Come on, guys, like this.. [ singing ] "Walk this wa-ayy..! Walk this wa-ayy..! [ walking that "way", the three of them leave ] Julia Stiles: Okay! We've got a great show tonight! Aerosmith is here, and, uh.. [ pulls strip of paper out of pocket ] .."I've got a live turkey in my pants!" [ lowers strip of paper ] Stick around, we'll be right back! Rate or review this sketch. |
