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George W. Bush.....Will Ferrell Marv Albert.....Darrell Hammond Madonna.....Ana Gasteyer Macy Gray.....Maya Rudolph .....Aerosmith Eminem.....Chris Parnell Elton John.....Horatio Sanz Outkast #1.....Jerry Minor Outkast #2.....Tracy Morgan Corr #1.....Rachel Dratch Corr #2.....Tina Fey Anthony Kiedis.....Jimmy Fallon Flea.....Chris Kattan Britney Spears.....Julia Stiles Don Pardo: And now a message from the President of the United States. Dubya: Hello, America. I was supposed to talk to you about a new drug policy, but as I was thinking of what to say, and Dick was teaching me how not to pronounce the “j” in “marijuana,” the subject of drugs reminded me of another problem that’s been bugging me. I have lived in Washington for almost two months now, and since then.. the Washington Wizards have only won nine games. Thus, I have enlisted my friend Marv Albert to help me recti-mi-fy this problem. Marv Albert: That’s right, George. This week, rumours have started that Michael Jordan may plan yet another NBA comeback with the aforementioned Washington Wizards. And though Jordan vehemently denies these rumours, I have a plan. After his first retirement we got the biggest stars in music to record a song designed to talk him out of retirement, and eventually, it worked. So, once again, we present, “Rock for Michael!” [ Cut to the recording studio ] Madonna: [ singing to the tune of “Music” ] "Hey Mr. MJ, put the jersey on I wanna watch you play b-ball And when the season starts You’ll fly through the air again And all the fans will go crazy Michael makes the Wizards come together (flying to the rim) Michael makes the NBA more exciting (he knows how to win)" Macy Gray: [ singing to the tune of “I Try” ] "I watch the games but I’m not seeing you And I never find myself cheering I watch them play the Knicks and they choke I watch them play the Jazz and they fumble I try to watch the Wiz but it’s clear They’re not worth watching when you’re not there The Wizards need help And they’ll never get it from strippers Though I can’t admit it, it’s true They’ve been even worse than the Clippers" Steven Tyler: [ Singing to the tune of “Dream On” ] "Play on, one more year Please tell the fans what they want to hear Back in the day, you were basketball’s prince Prove to the crowd that you can beat Vince" Eminem: [ Singing to the tune of “Stan” ] "All I wanted was you watch you play basketball I hope you know that Kobe Bryant’s all over my wall I loved you, Mike, you could have won more, think about it You ruined it now, I hope you come back and you break a shoulder And when it breaks I hope you fall down and your blood runs colder I hope you pay for waiting until you’re older See, Mike, shut up bitch, I’m trying to talk! Hey, Mike, that’s Scottie Pippen in the trunk He’s gonna stay in there until you finish a full year And every time you score 30 I might slip him a beer Well, gotta go, I gotta watch the Wizards lose Oh shoot, I forgot to make an offensive remark about the Jews" Elton John: "The Wizards suck, I’m wondering why Michael won’t play basketball The Wizards D can’t come together, and they can’t score at all And even if they lose it would all be great, to see Michael dunk the ball Then the Wizards would not be so bad, not so bad… " Outkast: [ Singing to the tune of “Ms. Jackson” ] "Never meant to bother Mike at all But we want him to play basketball Sorry, Ms. Jordan, Mike is the bomb Since he left us we’ve been really down We need to get Michael back in town Sorry Ms. Jordan.." The Corrs: [ Singing to the tune of “Breathless” ] "Dunk the ball, slam the ball Come on, leave me breathless Score points, block shots Clean up the Wizards’ mess Fake left, shoot right Jump over Steve Francis Go on, play more Yeah, play on " Steven Tyler: [ Singing to the tune of “Dream On” ] "Play on, one more year Give your opponents that old-fashioned fear Come back just to prove you’re still the best Give the Wiz the East and help them take on the West " Anthony Kiedis: [ Singing to the tune of “Scar Tissue” ] "Mike Jordan, man I wish I saw You play longer with the basketball Stick your tongue out slamming the ball cuz The Wizards need the Air With Airman the Wizards will win it all With Airman the Wizards will beat them alllllll… " Britney Spears: [ Singing to the tune of ‘Stronger” ] "They just suck There’s nothing that the Wiz can do, Michael I’ve had enough I’m very sick of just watching them lose, Michael You might think that they can get better on their own But they’d be stronger with Michael Please, Michael, why can’t you play? With you the Wizards will not suck so bad. Make them stronger " All: [ Singing to the tune of “Dream On” ] "Play on, one more year Play till your body falls apart in your beer Play on! Play on! " Steven Tyler: Let’s make us 2 for 2, Michael! And… Steven Tyler and Joe Perry: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night! Rate or review this sketch. |
