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Grandson.....Chris Parnell Granddaughter.....Maya Rudolph Jack Kevorkian.....Chris Kattan [ open in hospital room, adult siblings surrounding dying grandfather ] Grandson: If the cancer lingers any longer, I don't know how we're going to pay for Granddad's funeral.. Granddaughter: I know.. Jack Kevorkian: [ enters room ] An all-too-familiar scene. I'm Dr. Jack Kevorkian! Have you been bothered by a non-functioning organ lately?...Or do you or anyone you know have an extra lung or kidney laying around and empty pockets? See what our 5-Star Inspection Service has to offer along with fast, friendly and courteous sales people...Here's a rundown: 1) Our technicians are trained to administer anasthesia, even if the organ has already been removed. [ show guy in smocks selling drugs to a guy with a scar down his stomach ] 2) Each organ is given a test run on one of our trusted volunteers. [ show two guys in lab coats dragging an old man who is kicking and screaming through a set of doors ] 3)After a test run the organ is given a thorough biopsy to eradicate any cancerous cells which may be present. [ show lady with goggles and lab jacket pull an organ out of a toilet after she throws a burning cigarette butt in the bowl ] 4)The organ is then put through the "1982 American Tourister Luggage Test" where "Hugo" the gorilla throws it around a room and stomps on it for a full 15 minutes! [ show man in very fake ape suit going ape on an organ in a padded room ] 5)The organ is then scoped for dents, dings or bruises and if it meets specs, we're in business, my friend! Remember, all organs have a 90-day warranty that covers free counseling and possible talk show appearances to the organs in case they are rejected by their new neighbors. We not only remove but also install new or used organs. So got an extra organ and need a few bucks call us at 555-lung. Don't ask and We.. Won't.. Tell!! [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch. |
