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President George W. Bush.....Will Ferrell Maitre'D.....Chris Kattan Jack.....Jerry Minor Steve.....Chris Parnell [ George W. Bush is seen walking down the streets of Washington D.C. He appears to be looking for something. Finally, something catches his eye and he runs down the street. He walks into a Chinese restaurant. ] Maitre'D: Welcome to the Happy Family Chinese Restaurant. How can I help you? President George W. Bush: Give me back my plane! Maitre'D: Plane? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have no plane. President George W. Bush: Don’t lie to me! Where do you have it? Under the counter? Maitre'D: I assure you, there is no plane under the counter. President George W. Bush: [ with a smug look on his face ] Look here you, I am the pres-i-dent of the United States and I want to look under the counter and take my plane. Maitre'D: I’m sorry, no customers behind the counter. President George W. Bush: Oh, yeah?? Jack, Steve get in here. [ Two Secret Service agents walk in, with there heads hung low ] Secret Service Agents: Yes, sir? President George W. Bush: Tell him to give me back my plane. Jack: Sir, he doesn’t have your plane. President George W. Bush: Yes he does, Ted Koppel said the Chinese have a U.S. Spy Plane and that guy is Chinese and he won’t give my plane back. [ turns to the man behind the counter ] If you don’t gimme back my plane I will release a really bitchin’ militative strike on you. Jack: Sir, when Ted Koppel was referring to the Chinese, he didn’t mean the Chinese restaurant down the street. He meant the country of China, in Asia. President George W. Bush: [ confused look ] A-sia? Steve: [ pulls out a globe and points to China ] Asia, sir. See? You were just there last week. President George W. Bush: I was? Steve: Yeah, you were. President George W. Bush: I knew that, duh. [ turns to the Man behind the counter with a menacing look ] All right, you’re off the hook - for now. [ a huge grin comes on his face ] Hey, you got any of those fortune cookie dealies? Maitre'D: Yes, here for free. [ hands Bush a fortune cookie ] President George W. Bush: [ reading ] "You will win the l-lo.." Steve: Sound it out, sir. President George W. Bush: [ still struggling ] l-lot-lottery, Lottery! I’m going to win the lottery! You here that guys! Screw this president thing, it’s too damn hard, I’m going to live off of my lottery winnings. Sweet! Jack: Uh, sir. You didn’t really win the lottery. Besides, you’re worth quite a lot of money already. A lottery win will hardly make a difference in your worth. President George W. Bush: [with disappointed look on his face ] B-but the cookie told me so. Steve: [ puts his arm around Bush as they leave the restaurant ] I know it did sir, I know it did. Maitre'D: [ cracks open second cookie, and reads the fortune out loud ] "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!" Rate or review this sketch. |
