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[ open in a little room in which DIRECTOR #1 and DIRECTOR #2 are sitting at a desk, auditioning various acts. A young man, TED BOONEY, is at a little electronic keyboard, playing and singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" very well. Ted Booney: "Through the years we all will be together, if thefates allow. Hang a shining star upon the highest bough. And have yourself a merry little Christmas now." [ the two directors applaud ] Director #1: Very nice. Director #2: Terrific. Ted Booney: You liked it? Director #1: Oh yes. Very lovely. Director #2: But it's just that we wanted an original Christmas song. Ted Booney: It is an original. Director #1: You wrote that? Ted Booney: [ after some hesitation ] Yes. Director #2: Funny. That song was written in 1943. You don't look that old. Director #1: And you said your name was Ted Booney. [ looking at a paper ] It says here, "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" was written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane. Ted Booney: I changed my name. Director #1: To Ted Booney? Ted Booney: I got married. Director #2: Next. [ Director #1 escorts Ted out ] Ted Booney: I've got another song. It's called "Frosty the Snowman"! [ Ted leaves and Director #1 sits back down ] Director #2: [ looking at paper ] All right. Let's see who's next. A Mr. Jesus Christ. [ says "Christ" strangely ] [ the actual JESUS CHRIST walks in ] Jesus: That's Christ. Director #2: Christ, sorry. What do you got for us, Mr. Christ? Jesus: Well, I've got an original song for the Christmas play that I'd like to perform for you. Director #1: Proceed when ready Mr. Christ. [ says "Christ" strangely ] Jesus: Christ. Director #1: Sorry, sorry, Mr. Christ. Go ahead. [ Jesus starts hitting a constant 4/4 beat on his knee and then begins to sing ] Jesus: [ singing ] "I am Jesus Christ. I am the son of God. I preach my message of Salvation and love. I am Jesus Christ You should bow down to me For I'm the creator of Christianity. I am Jesus Christ Killed on the cross. If you don't like my message, Well, hell, it' your loss. I am Jesus Christ. I am and not are you. Although I'd hate to admit it, I really am a Jew." I am Jesus Christ. I am the chosen one. Director #2: Mr. Christ. Jesus: [ singing ] "I drive a really cool car. I have lots of fun." Director #1: Mr. Christ. Jesus: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John the Baptist! Director #2: Mr. Christ. [ JOHN THE BAPTIST runs into the shot and claps his hands with Jesus' beat ] Jesus: [ singing ] "I am Jesus Christ" John The Baptist: Hey oh! Jesus: [ singing ] "I don't wear no pants." John The Baptist: Hey oh! Director #1: Mr. Christ. Jesus: That's Christ. Director #1: Sorry, Mr. Christ. We've heard enough. Jesus: Did you like it? Director #1: Well, it's all right. You did a very good job. But what we want is a song that has to do with Christmas. From what we heard, your song is just about yourself. Director #2: Exactly. I mean where's the reindeer, the snow? That's what Christmas is all about. Now we enjoyed your song, but just don't feel it is right for us at this time. Director #1: But thanks again. It was very nice to meet you. [ a disappointed Jesus walks off ] John The Baptist: What about me? Did you like me? Director #2: Next. [ fade out ] Rate or review this sketch. |
