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[ Opens inside a takeout Pizza restaurant...the Manager is working on a pizza and looks up to the camera... ] Manager: [ smiling ] Here at Mike's Go-Anywhere Pizza, you can count on us for certain guarantees. First, your pizza will always be hot and fresh, with the ingredients you ordered or else, your pizzas free. Second, your pizza will be delivered on time, or else it's free. And most important of all, we'll deliver your pizza anywhere you want, or, you guessed it, it's free! [ Manager continues a voice over as the camera cuts to various scenes ] [ Cut to a family watching t.v. on their couch. A delivery boy walks right up to them and hands them their pizza. ] Manager: We'll deliver your pizza to your home, any time of day [ Cut to a Priest hearing confession ] Woman giving confession: [ somber ] Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.. [ Another delivery boy walks up, opens the door to the confessional booth, and hands the smiling Priest his pizza ] Manager: We'll even deliver your pizza to your workplace, no questions asked. [ Cut to a funeral. A delivery girl walks in as a speaker gives a tearful eulogy. There are sobs throughout the room. The delivery girl walks up to a man on the front row and hands him his pizza. ] Manager: When you can't get away to grab lunch, we'll get you a pizza no matter how busy you are. [ The man opens the box, pulls away a slice, and bites into it, spilling sauce and toppings onto his shirt ] [ Cut to a man sitting on a toilet, his pants around his ankles ] Manager: We'll get you your pizza no matter where you are, it's just that simple. [ The man, reading a newspaper, looks up at the delivery boy, smiles, folds up his paper, hands him some money sitting on the counter, and gladly takes his pizza ] [ Cut back to the Manager at the pizza shop ] Manager: Remember, here at Mike's Go-Anywhere Pizza, your pizza is GUARANTEED to be delivered where you want it, or it's free! Rate or review this sketch. |
