|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ivan Wackinof.....Jimmy Fallon Kerpal.....Chris Kattan Mother.....Ana Gasteyer Daughter.....Rachel Dratch Father.....Pierce Brosnan [ Original Prank Stars logo appears; The Offspring's "Original Prankster" plays in background ] Ivan Wakinof: Hey whorebags, welcome back to Original Prank Stars, the show where we bring in a real arrogant asswipe, insult each other with snide comments, and then dick with people over the phone! I'm your host Ivan Wackinof, and yes, I know what you're thinking, now please STOP thinking what you're thinking! You sick bastards... [ shakes head ] Today, I'm happy to say we have a real prank calling prick expert. He's the Iraqi ass-clown from Orange County, please welcome Kerpal Najahalabootasa.. [ trails off ] ..aw, to hell with it. Kerpal, everyone! [ Kerpal walks onto set and sits down ] Kerpal: Hello, beetch. Ivan Wakinof: Whoa, I haven't even said hello to you yet, and you've already insulted me. You're my kind of prankster, Kerpal. you dirty prick! Kerpal: Thank you. When the hell we get to call people? Ivan Wakinof: Don't worry, Kerpal, we'll have a chance to F someone's day up. First off, what do you think about the Jerky Boys? Kerpal: They are originals. My inspiration. When they f*** with McDonalds worker, I laugh so hard when they ask for McPenis Fillet. Ivan Wakinof: A McPenis Fillet, huh? Kerpal: Yes, then they order Chicken McTesticles. Ivan Wakinof: Great. Well, I know a few people out there who would love to have those for lunch. They're all downstairs on the set of "Will and Grace." Anyway. let's go ahead and dick with someone. Why don't you do the honours this time? Kerpal: [ picks up phone ] OK, people, we look through phone directory and find name to call. [ pages through book quickly ]. I found a Mr. Jim Harms. I shall call him. [ Kerpal dials the numbers to the telephone. Split screen of Kerpal and the Harms family living room ] [ Daughter picks up the phone ] Daughter: Hello? Kerpal: Yes, may I speak to Mr. Jim Harms? Daughter: Who's calling, please? Kerpal: This is Kerpal. Daughter: Kerpal. OK, well he's not in right now, um. he's busy. Kerpal: This is very important business matter. Daughter: I don't think so. Daddy's retired. Kerpal: Well, this is very important message concerning a very expensive item he purchased from my store. Daughter: What store? Kerpal: None of your business, only business of Jim Harms. Daughter: [ angry ] You know what, my father is home right now, but I'm not going to let you talk to him. Kerpal: Shut up asshole! Daughter: [ shocked ] What?! Kerpal: You know damn right what I say! Now get me your father on phone, please. Daughter: OK. hold on. Mother: Who is it, sweetie? Daughter: Kerpal? Some guy calling for Dad. [ hands phone to father ] Here, Dad. [ Father picks up phone ] Father: Hello? Kerpal: Hello, my friend. You rented expensive Persian carpet from my store, and you return with damage on it and owe money. Father: Persian carpet? Kerpal: Yes, and it due back last month, you turn it in and it in very bad condition. Father: I'm sorry sir, but I believe you have the wrong- Kerpal: It is not wrong number! You need to give me credit card number so I charge reparation fee to you. Father: This is ridiculous. I didn't order anything of the sort. This is a total load of crap, Mr. Whoever you are. Kerpal: Shut up, you f***ing guy! Father: Excuse me? What did you just say to me? Kerpal: You know damn right what I said. You should not ask dumb question. Father: Hey, you're a real smart ass, and I've got a caller ID here. Your name is Kerpal Najahalabootasapanamantarajoobhalashafaharivadabaniantamada- Kerpal: Shut up! Shut up! You make fun of Kerpal! Father: Am I? Well, you must be one sad character. Kerpal: F*** you asshole! Father: Hey! Why aren't you gonna shut up? Kerpal: [ shouting ] YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT! Father: OK, maybe you should get yourself some medication. Kerpal: And you can find medication to shove up asscrack, homo! Father: Now that's just offensive. Just because my son is gay doesn't mean I am. Kerpal: That none of your business. You do not say dumb things. Father: But he is! He is a 100% out of the closet homosexual. Kerpal: You are insulting Kerpal! You bastard! [ Kerpal slams the phone down ] Ivan Wakinof: Well, that guy was probably gay also! Kerpal: You know damn right. Ivan Wakinof: OK, Kerpal. OK. You're a legend now, since your hit prank call "Kick My Dog" is the fastest-moving and most well-loved MP3 today. Kerpal: What is MP3? Ivan Wakinof: MP3, it's a musical format on the computer. Kerpal: Computer, you mean like Apple II. Ivan Wakinof: No way, dumb sh**, those were obsolete like 20 years ago. Kerpal: Well, in Iraq, Apple II is very popular. Saddam uses Apple IIe to aim hidden nuclear bombs at White House. Ivan Wakinof: Whoa! Too much information, there, retard! Anyway, we've gotta go to commercials, but when we come back, it'll be time for the "Call Up Your Momma and Tell Her to Eat Sh**" segment with our special guest, Kerpal. See you later, A-holes! [ closing music ] Rate or review this sketch. |
|
