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[ A farm in the early morning hours. The sun has just come up. Lazy old fashioned country music is heard. ] [ SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: "WORLD OF FARMING" ] [ In front of a barn in a chair sits a FARMER with a small pig in his lap. To the left of him sits another chair. ] Farmer: [ southern accent ] Mornin'. Our first guest is a renowned actor. He's appeared in such films as "Planet Ritz", "The Lady Is Damp" and "Big Frank: The Story of Charlemagne". He most recently appeared in the new courtroom drama "Liberty or Punch". Here's a clip. [ Cut to a courtroom case. MR.PARK is at the witness stand. Also in the courtroom is a JUDGE, MR. PARK'S LAWYER, and the PLANTIFF'S LAWYER. ] Plaintiff's Lawyer: Now Mr. Park, you have been accused by the United States Federal Government that your last name, when spelled backwards, is krap. How do you plead? Mr. Park: Not guilty. Mr. Park's Lawyer: Your honor. May I just explain that though my client's last name is spelled krap, it is said Srap. Plaintiff's Lawyer: Srap! Mr. Park's Lawyer: The k makes an s sound as would a c. Plaintiff's Lawyer: You're full of srap. Mr. Park's Lawyer: Like cycle or cylinder. Plaintiff's Lawyer: Yes but both of those c words are followed by a y. There is no y in Mr. Park's name. Mr. Park's Lawyer: Well an s sounding c is not restricted to being followed by a y. There's centipede or circle or sink. Plaintiff's Lawyer: If you spell sink with a c, it spells cink! Mr. Park's Lawyer: Your honor, I plead insanity! Judge: You can't plead insanity. You're the lawyer! [ Cut back to the farm. ] Farmer: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Walter West. [ Applause is heard over some shots of different farm animals. Walter (who played the Plaintiff's Lawyer in the film) comes out waving and then sits down in the chair. ] Farmer: Hello and welcome to the farm. Walter West: Thank you for having me. Farmer: So tell me. What do you use to keep your swiss chard fresh during the winter season? Walter West: What? Farmer: Your swiss chard. How do you keep it fresh? Walter West: I don't even know what swiss chard is. Farmer: It's a beet kind of thing. Walter West: Look. What does this have to do with my new movie? Farmer: What about tomatoes? Has your crop been having trouble growing? Mine has. Walter West: Crop! I don't have a crop. I live in the Hollywood hills. Farmer: Oh so you plant on sort of a plateau. I tried that once with my rice crop. That's what the Filipinos use. Walter West: Look, if we're not going to talk about my new movie, I'm getting out of here! Farmer: Cabbage. Walter West: That's it. I'm gone. [ gets up and leaves ] Asking me about tomatoes. I don't give a crop. Farmer: Well coming up is Mr. Hal O'Meary and his prize-winning cock but first...this. [ fade to commercial ] Rate or review this sketch. |
