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President George W. Bush....Will Ferrell Ex-President George Bush.....Dana Carvey [ Open in on George W. Bush who is reciting a speech ] George W. Bush: Ladies and gentlemen of this country, I address you tonight with urgenticity...[ Pauses and begins to think ] No that just won't work! I address you tonight with ardentelicity... no...crucialitiness... [ Camera pulls out to reveal Bush Sr. listening in on his son's speech ] George Bush: No, not prudent son! That just won't work son...you're mumbling...you're mumbling. I need you to start thinking son, thinking about what America really wants to hear... George W. Bush: Dad I can't think...dammit this president job is hard! George Bush: Don't you take that tone with me son! I'm warning you, what do you think mom would say if I told her you took that tone with me? George W. Bush: Sorry dad, it's just I don't know what to say to win America over! Who would of thought I had to keep my popularity after I won the election! Mr. Cheney said he would run the show, said he'd do all the work, all I had to do was... George Bush: You're mumbling again! [ Throws his hands in the air, then walks over to his son ] Son, I want you to stop mumbling and just finish your speech! George W. Bush: Okay dad. [ Clears throat and holds up his speech so he can read it ] We are in a time of great decisions, real big ones. I'm calling for civilioninity and dignitude throughout the Judicial Branch of our government. To me, the Judicial Branch is the most important of our two governmental branches. I have nominated 11 people for our 100 vacancies and for the first time, here are those names: [ Clears throat again ] Patrick Leahy...[ Squints eyes and looks surprised, then turns to his father ] Dad what the hell?! This is a democrat! Mr. Cheney included a democrat on his list of Nominees! That bastard promised me I would like the people on this list! George Bush: Son, you're taking that tone again! Not too prudent! Now calm down, Dick must have some good reasons for choosing these people! George W. Bush: But I wanted to choose the Judicial Nominees! I always thought it would be cool to have Arnold Swartzenegger in your circuit court judge. Man when I went to court for D.U.I. that judge just beat up on my feelings! Like Anjelica from the Rugrats! George Bush: Son you've got to be tough with your picks! Dick knows what he's doing picking tough judges... George W. Bush: I had some tough nominees on my list too! Man, Anne Robinson is tough enough! [ Makes a fist and remembers what he was talking about ] But Dick just had to make the final picks. Just like the budget...sure he gives 12% to help pay off the national debt, but will he listen to my ideas...[ Makes his mouth as small as a pin head ] NO! That man just had to laugh in my face when I suggested 75% to go to the national porno association, 45% to go to my wonderful daughters, and 35% to throw a hell of a staff party for the White House! Man I just wanted a few kegs and some Duritoes... George Bush: Son you've got some funny figures in their, they add up to more than 100%... George W. Bush: But my little league coach says we should give 150%! Dammit is he lying to me too? [ Gets a spontaneous idea and lights up ] But hey, I guess you could call it fuzzy math! [ Begins laughing uncontrollably and his father joins in ] George Bush: Why don't you just finish your speech son? George W. Bush: [ Shrugs ] Sure dad! [ Clears throat ] So I leave you with this: God bless porno and...Live, from New York....It's Saturday Night! Rate or review this sketch. |
