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Miss Cleo/voice-over.....Tracy Morgan Customer #1.....Ana Gasteyer Customer #2.....Will Ferrell Customer #3.....Horatio Sanz [ opens up in setting exactly like the actual commercials ] Voiceover: Would you like to know your lover, future, or get in touch with your inner-self? Call Miss Cleo!! Miss Cleo: You had some bad pizza for lunch, didn't you? Customer #1: Yea, it was horrible! Miss Cleo: Well, the 10 of pentacles is tellin' dat if you don't take an antacid pretty soon, den you're gonna have bad heartburn and possible diarrhea, are you understandin' me, miss lady? Customer #1: Yes! That's amazing!!! Miss Cleo: Now I'm serious about dis! If you don't take care of dis now, den you're gonna give some innocent person a stick of tootie-fruiti... and I aint talkin' bout' bubble gum! Voiceover: Milions of people have called and received their free tarot reading...why haven't you? Miss Cleo: You be cheatin' on your woman, don't you? Customer #2: I'm not exactly cheating- Miss Cleo: Don't lie to me, Sunshine! The devil card says it all! Customer #2: But I'm- Miss Cleo: But nothing!! Don't argue wit me! I'm mean, I'm African, and I'll kick you in your ass! Voiceover: It's all straight-talk with Miss Cleo, there's no hiding anything when it comes to her! The cards reveal all! Miss Cleo: You have a problem, I see. Customer #3: Yes! I just can't stop eating!!! Miss Cleo: Yes, I know. Let me tell you something, Shamu...stay away from the twinkie!!! Twinkie bad...exocise good!!! Voiceover: Whay aren't you calling, America? The first call is free! [ number comes on the screen ] Pick up the phone and dial 1-800-TAROT-READIN! Miss Cleo: Call me now for your free tarot readin'!!! [ fades to black ] Rate or review this sketch. |
