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Inky.....Tracy Morgan Clyde.....Darrell Hamond Pinky.....Ana Gasteyer Blinky.....Jimmy Fallon .....Tom Cruise Director.....Chris Kattan .....Horatio Sanz Announcer.....Chris Parnell Smurfette.....Tina Fey [scene: Set of a sound stage. Inky, Pinky and Clyde stand together in oversized plush ghost costumes. Pinky stands nervously rubbing her arm. Focus on Inky and Clyde.] Inky: Man, I am so psyched about being in this movie man. Clyde: I am a Shakespearean actor you know. Classically trained and all that. Inky: Yeah, growing up I used to play Pac-man all the time man. And there was this guy, Victor, man could he play that game. I watched him get to the 250th level. He was so close to getting the perfect game. Clyde: I'm just doing this for the notoriety of being in a feature film. My real home is on the stage. Inky: It was Inky who got him. Everybody's like watch Pinky, watch Pinky he's the one who's gonna get ya, watch him he's fast. But it was Inky who got him man. Shy little Inky. Everybody's like 'Don't worry about Inky, he's a wuss.' but me, deep in my heart I was chanting 'GO INKY, GO INKY!' I know you can do it, I know you can do it!'. And he did it man. He got Victor. Clyde: I was up for Kennth Branagh's part in Much Ado About Nothing you know. Inky: And you know how I got the nickname Inky? That's cause I used to dress like him every Halloween. [Focus on Inky, Clyde and Pinky.] Pinky: You don't think I got this part just because I was the only lady at the audition do you? Inky: Uh, excuse me. Pinky: You know because I'm playing a pink ghost...I want to be picked cause I'm a good actor not just because I'm a woman. Inky: Oh, don't worry about that. Those casting guys are professionals, there's a lot more to it than just simple associations like that. I'm sure they said 'Damn, it's like she was born to play Pinky.', you know what I'm saying? Pinky: Aww, thanks. [Pinky stops rubbing arm. Enter Blinky blinking rapidly.] Blinky: Hey guys. Inky: Hey Blinky. [Pinky begins rubbing arm again.] Inky: So yeah, anyways, I thought with such a big budget we'd get better costumes though. Pinky: I know, I can't believe they'd put us in a feature film wearing this stuff...[to Blinky] I'm not here just because I'm a woman u know. Blinky: Ha, I hope you geekazords don't think you're actually gonna be in the movie. Inky: What do you mean by that, Blinky? Blinky: What I MEAN is that we're just fill ins for the mighty Tom Cruise to play off of. Our parts are gonna be all CG stuff with famous actors filling in the voices. Pinky: Bogus...this is so bogus. I knew I wasn't good enough to be in the movie. I knew it. I'm too fat. Clyde: Oh woe is me, I am undone. Cruel mistress Fate hath taken mine hope and pierced it at the root! Inky: [Dominican Lou-like] Don't believe him. Don't believe him. [Enter Tom Cruise wearing a bright yellow leather suit and a big red bow tie. He walks over to opposite side of stage as Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde watch on. Enter Director.] Director: Alright people. Tom baby, you look fabulous. Tom Cruise: Thank you. [Focus on Director and Tom.] Director: Alright anyways, in this scene I want you ghosties to chase Tom. Tom I want you to run over here and grab the power pellet. Once you see Tom reach down and get the pellet, you ghosties start running the other way. When you get about here Inky I want you to trip and fall.[Director acts out following instructions in an exageratted manner. Focus on Director, Inky and Tom Cruise.] At this point Tom, you stand over him with your Pac-Rifle and say "Boo? Boo-yah!" and then start unloading round after round into him. Inky I need you to give Tom something to react to. I want you to be screaming "No Pac-man, NOOOO! WHY ME, WHY ME!", you know what I'm saying, give it that Nancy Kerrigan emotion. We'll add in the rifle, power pellets and blood splattering later. Alrighty then, let's get... Inky: Wait a minute, you're not really gonna kill Inky are you. Tom Cruise: Well you see we were thinking of doing something like in 'Scream' where Drew Barrymore gets knocked off in the beginning of the movie, u know to throw a curveball at the audience. When we set out to make the Pac-man movie we didn't want it to be just another predictable action adventure video game movie. Inky: I see. Director: Okay, can we start now? Inky: Well, we were kind of wondering.. [focus on everyone] ..are we gonna be in the movie at all? Director: Of course not. [Pointing at Inky.] You'll be replaced by CG graphics and the voice of Edward James Olmos. Now take your places everybody. [Focus on Inky] Inky: NO. No I won't let you do this. I was born to play Inky, but you know, even if you asked me I wouldn't do it! No way. [Inky removes plush costume and kicks off his plush shoes. Underneath he has on blue tights and a blue hood and a t-shirt which reads "I Scored 3,333,360 Points on Pac-Man and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt"] [Focus on Director, Inky and Tom Cruise] Director: Fine, you don't want to play the stand in, that's fine. Somebody get me Pauley Shore on the line. Inky: I won't be a part of this. You think you can just come along and buy up the rights to my childhood? You're corrupting everything I grew up on...and so in a way, you're also corrupting who I am now. Well I want no part of this. Let me tell you something Mr. bigshot Tom Cruise. You're no Marty Ingel's...and no 500 million dollar budget is gonna change that! [Focus on all] You coming Clyde? Clyde: To stay or not to stay that is the question. [Blinky jumps Clyde and begins to pummel him. Pinky becomes hysterical. Focus on Tom Cruise and Inky with punching sound effects playing softly in background.] Tom Cruise: Wait...what you said...I wasn't really listening...but seeing you there all dressed in blue like that....it makes me think that you'd be perfect for a new off-Broadway play I currently have in the works. What would you say to playing Jokey Smurf on stage? Inky: What about Papa Smurf? Tom Cruise: Alright then, Papa Smurf it is. Let's go work out the details. [Focus on everyone. Blinky is still pummeling Clyde. Pinky is now rocking in fetal position.] Director: Oh great just great. Okay send in Tom's stand in. We can do him CG too if we have to. [Enter Horatio Sanz. He saunters in confidently wearing a bright yellow suit and red bow tie. Cut to still picture of Inky dressed as Papa Smurf.] Announcer: Maurice "Inky" Johnson went on to play the coveted role of Papa Smurf in the critically acclaimed off-Broadway play "To Hell With Gargamel: A Very Smurfy Story.". Perhaps more importantly however, he managed to score regularly with the hot chick who played Smurfette.[Cut to still picture of Tina Fey dressed as Smurfette sitting on Inky's lap as he's dressed as Papa Smurf giving a big thumbs up.] We knew you could do it Inky, we knew you could do it. [fade out] Rate or review this sketch. |
