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Grand Master Rap.....Jerry Minor Kid Shazam.....Horatio Sanz Gerardo.....Horatio Sanz Announcer: [Rap Street music cues and we see the colorful Rap Street intro] You're watching BET...Black Entertainment Television. Now it's time for Rap Street with your hosts, your favorite old-school rappers Grand Master Rap and Kid Shazam. [We see the hosts sitting in their usual places] Grand Master Rap: Welcome everyone, to the show. I'm Grand Master Raps. Kid Shazam: And I'm Kid Shazam. Nice t'have y'all joinin' us today. Grand Master Rap: That's right. We've got a great show for ya. Great show! Ain't gonna be none of that new-fangled gangsta raps stuff here. No, sir! Kid Shazam: You got that right, Grand Master. You won't find no Coolios, Dr. Dre's or Snoopedy Loopedy Dogs on this program. Cuz this is Rap Street....the show that celebrates old school hip hops. Grand Master Rap: The best kind of raps there is. It don't come no doper. No doper. We used t' bust rhymes about fun stuff, like playin' hopscotch and boogyin' down. Kid Shazam: Yeah, and about little green men from Mars eatin' guitars and what-nots! Grand Master Rap: [looking at Kid Shazam like he's retarded] Say WHAT? We ain't never rapped about nothin' like that. Kid Shazam:Well, Blondie did.. Grand Master Rap: Good point, good point. Blondie! Now THERE was a female rapstress worthy of the title "diva". Kid Shazam: Unlike those floozies that pass for rap divas these days! Grand Master Rap:Word up! Word up! Take that Missy Elliotts for example. She runs around wearing all these skin-tight this's and thats, lookin' like someone dumped her off at the nearest street corner. Disgustin'. Kid Shazam: Speakin' of street corners, that just happens to be how we got our rappin' careers off the ground. I still remember our first song together. Grand Master Rap:Me too. Let's give it to the fans, def-style. [They stand up and start to rap] [begin rap] Kid Shazam: "One for the money!" Grand Master Rap: "Two to get down!" Kid Shazam: "Three to take your frown and turn it upside down!" Grand Master Rap: "Things are good. Things are grand. We're the dopest cats in all the land." Kid Shazam: "We know how to have a good time...without goin' and comittin' a crime." Grand Master Rap and Kid Shazam: "I say rip, rap rippety rap rap a rip rop rippety doo! This is our song, we like a a lot. Rip rop rippety doo!" [end rap] [The hosts get settled back into their seats] Grand Master Rap: Wooo! Kid Shazam: That's the real deal! An oldie but a goodie! Grand Master Rap: Anyways, our guest today is a vile, insidious man who did everything he could to corrupt all the teenage girls to worship his muscular body and his long hair. 'Course nowadays, the only teenage girls he could attract are the ones that hang out down at Greasy Mel's Burger Shack. Joinin' us via satellite, the hoodlum who brought us such hits as "Rico Suave" and "We Want the Funk".....Gerardo!! [We see Gerardo appear on split screen] Gerardo: Thanks for having me on the show. Grand Master Rap: Well, you ain't welcome! The only reason we invited you is because our producer said conflict might boost ratings. Kid Shazam: We had no choice. But now that you're on the show, we may as well make the best of it. Gerardo: Why the hard feelings? We're all talented rappers here. [Grand Master Rap and Kid Shazam burst out in a fit of laughter] Grand Master Rap: [finally regaining his composure] That was a hoot! First of all, I have to ask the question we're all dyin' to ask. [short pause] How'd you get so damn chubby? Gerardo: Chocolettttttttt Doooooooonuuuuuts! Kid Shazam: Must've been a whole rear-load of donuts, I'd say, judgin' by that gut. Gerardo: Hey, I may not be the model of physical fitness I once was, but I'm still one sexy hombre! ["Rico Suave" plays and he starts dancing]. [Grand Master Rap and Kid Shazam burst out in a fit of laughter....again!] Kid Shazam: Woooo! This sure is the funniest show we've ever had. Don'chu agree, Grand Master Raps? Grand Master Rap:Ain't no doubtin' that! This guy may be a scum bag, but he's plenty funny. Maybe he ain't so bad after all. At least he's got a sense of humors. Kid Shazam:Word up. Gerardo, would you care to join us in a little old school raps? Gerardo: Guys, I'd be honored! Grand Master Rap: Then let's kick it! [begin rap] Gerardo: "I'm Rico Suave and I'm here to say, I'd kick the crap out of Eminim any day. I used to follow the very same path, but today I've learned to respect the past. Old school rapping is the way to go. It's funky fresh and it don't talk about ho's." Grand Master Rap: "I'm glad to see Suave's learned the error of his ways and he's come back to the olden days!" Kid Shazam: "He learned his lesson and he's chillin' with us! Jumpin' on the big yella old school bus!" Grand Master Rap, Kid Shazam & Gerardo: "I say rip, rap rippety rap rap a rip rop rippety doo! That's our show, see ya later everybody! Rip rop rippety doo!" [end rap] Announcer: Promotional consideration provided by: "Ain't Be Illin'", the pill that makes all the pain go away. When it hurts real bad, pop one of these suckas. [We see all three rappers gettin' down, dancing to the song, as the camera fades out] Rate or review this sketch. |
