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Jack Albino.....Chris Parnell Susan Albino.....Cyndi Lauper Nicky Albino.....Jimmy Fallon Debbie Albino.....Rachel Dratch (opens in the Albinos' house. All the family members have white skin and red eyes. Jack enters.) Jack Albino: Hello honey! I'm home! Susan Albino: Hi darling. How was your day? Jack Albino: (while hanging his coat) Not bad. Even though the guys kept calling me by my high school nickname. Susan Albino: I didn't know you had a nickname. What was it? Jack Albino: (sighing) Snowball. Susan Albino: Aww...I'm sorry, Jack. Your co-workers are so mean. You should tell them you don't like it. Jack Albino: I tried. But the more I tell them, the more they're mean. For example, you remember that joke they did on my birthday last month? Susan Albino: You mean when they painted your face with peach-colored paint? Jack Albino: Yeah. I was so angry at them. But I guess I'll have to deal with it. But let's talk about something else, shall we? What's for dinner? Susan Albino: Your favorite! Turkey! Jack Albino: Oh great! I hope you made that Bearnaise sauce. Susan Albino: Of course. Vivid WHITE! Just as you like it. (Nicky enters swiftly) Nicky Albino: Hi mom! Hi dad! I have a surprise for the whole family! Jack Albino: What is it, son? Nicky Albino: (takes a white, red-eyed rabbit out of a cage) A rabbit! Susan Albino: Nicky, you know I don't want animals in our house. Nicky Albino: But mom, he's so cute. And he almost looks like me. Jack Albino: Honey, why don't we give it a try. Maybe having a pet isn't so bad after all. Susan Albino: All right, boy. Nicky Albino: Yay! I love you mommy (hugs her). Susan Albino: I love you too. Now let's call your sister for dinner. (yelling) DEBBIE! DINNER'S READY! (Debbie rushes out from a staircase) Debbie Albino: Good! I was getting hungry. (the family sits around the table and starts eating) Jack Albino: This tastes great as always. Pure, tender WHITE meat! Susan Albino: I knew you would like it. Debbie Albino: Say dad, which story are you going to read us tonight? Jack Albino: I don't know. Jack And Jill? Debbie Albino: Nah! Jack Albino: How about Peter The Pumpkin Eater? Nicky Albino: No way! Jack Albino: Well, which one do you want then? Both Kids: SNOW WHITE! Jack Albino: Snow White it is! Nicky Albino: Mommy, I'm done. Can I go read my X-Men comic book? Susan Albino: Of course, dear. Nicky Albino: Thanks! (jumps on the couch and begins to read his book) Jack Albino: Hey Nicky! Who's your favorite X-Men? Nicky Albino: Duh, Cyclops! Jack Albino: Really? Why? Nicky Albino: 'Cuz he can shoot red beams from his BIG RED EYES!!! Jack Albino: Indeed, that's quite cool. Susan Albino: Okay kids! Time to go too sleep. Debbie Albino: Okay! Hey Nicky! Ready for the WHITE snowman contest tomorrow? Nicky Albino: Anytime, sis! (Kids go upstairs to their room) (fade) Rate or review this sketch. |
