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Mr. Nash.....Jerry Minor Prince.....Chris Kattan Mrs. Nash.....Ana Gasteyer Susie Nash.....Rachel Dratch John Travolta.....Darrell Hammond [Scene: House scene with door to the left and sofa and chairs in the middle and door to kitchen on the right and stairs coming down from upstairs somewhere in the middle. Doorbell rings.] [Enter Mr. Nash from kitchen.] Mr. Nash: Don't worry I'll get it. Hmmm, I wonder who it could be? [opens door to reveal Prince dressed in a suit holding a copy of The Watchtower.] Mr. Nash: Hello, how can I...oh my, why you're...you're Prince...I mean the artist formerly known as Prince...wow, well come in, come in. My name is Frank Nash it's a pleasure to meet you sir. Prince: Yes, it's nice to meet you also. You have a lovely home. Mr. Nash: Why thank you but, I can't help but wonder what brings you here? Prince: Well, I'm glad you asked, I've come to talk to you about the salvation that can be found by following the teachings of... [Enter Mrs. Nash] Mrs. Nash: Who is it dear? Mr. Nash: You'll never believe this Marsha, but we have Prince...I mean the artist formerly known as Prince, right here in our living room! Mrs. Nash: Wow, Mr. Prince what a delight! Mr. Nash: You'll have to excuse the wife. [makes square outline with hands] Mrs. Nash: Oh I saw that, you big silly. Now Mr. Prince please have a seat. Tell me, to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit. Prince: Well, I have incurred much wealth and fame in my time but I never found true happiness until I found... Mr. Nash: Wait a second. Do you mind if I get my daughter. She's gonna love this. Susie get down here. [Enter Susie from stairs.] Susie: What Dad? Mr. Nash: Look, it's the artist formerly known as Prince! Prince: Actually, you can call me Prince, you see... Mr. Nash: Aww, c'mon now artist, don't dumb it down for us. We're hip. Susie: Yeah, whatever, call me if N'Sync show up. Mr. Nash: Listen young lady, you owe this man a debt of gratitude. I'll have you know u were concieved to Raspberry Beret. Susie: Uggg, I am soooooooo not having this conversation.[walks back upstairs.] Mr. Nash: Sorry about her, we think she might be on something. Prince: Uhhh, yes...alright...well all the more reason for you to come to know the healing words of... Mrs. Nash: Where are my manners. I'll go get us some coffee. [gets up to get coffee.] [exit Mrs. Nash] Prince: No that's...anyways, Mr. Nash, I have come here to bring the word of... Mr. Nash: Owwww, that is what it sounds like, when the dove's crryyy. Man, I loved that song. Prince: Well thank you very much, but I'm not here to talk about me. I've come here to talk about... [Enter Mrs. Nash with tray of coffee with cream holder and sugar bowl.] Mrs. Nash: Here's the coffee, how would you like yours Mr. Prince. Prince: Actually, I'm fine Mrs. Nash. Mr. Nash: I'd like a little CREAM, get on top, some CREAM, in my cup...ha ha. Cream...ha ha man those twins in that video were hot! [Wife play hits him and laughs] Prince: Well, they weren't twins but that's not the point you see I'm here because I believe that... Mr. Nash: Really, I could have sworn they were twins... Prince: THEY WEREN'T TWINS!!! Oh, I'm sorry....uhhh look why don't I just leave this with you and maybe I'll come back another time.[gives them a copy of The Watchtower. Stands up.] Mr. Nash: Hmmm, The Watch Tower...wait a minute you mean you're a Jehovah's Witness? Prince: [big smile] Yes.[sits back down.] Mr. Nash: Sorry the artist, I'm afraid I'm gonnna have to ask you to get the hell out of my house. Prince: I understand.[gets up again.] [They walk towards door. Doorbell rings.] Mr. Nash: Well, I wonder who that could be.[opens door] Oh my, it's John Travolta! John Travolta: Hi there, how are you today sir.[spots The Artist now known as Prince. They look at each other menacingly. Travolta turns to Mrs. Nash with a big smile.] Could I borrow a piece of paper and a marker please. [Mrs. Nash gets paper and marker from desk in center of room and gives them to John Travolta.] John Travolta: Well, thank you so much. [ he scribbles something then holds up the symbol which used to represent Prince's name. Thrusts paper forward] we meet again! Prince: Don't any of you read the paper! My name is PRIIIIINCE. This is my turf Travolta! John Travolta: Ha ha ha. You have no turf [thrusts paper forward]. Ha ha, awww don't get too mad, wouldn't want you to start cussing. This world isn't big enough for two religions such as ours. Resistance is futile. Soon you will all be assimilated! It's over Prince. Prince: Like heck it is! John Travolta: Ha ha. What are you going to do to stop me...take me to court?[points at suit] Prince: No...I'm going to take you to school. [Prince rips off his suit to reveal Prince-like outfit underneath. Begins dancing. Travolta gets a look of terror on his face and then begins dancing as well. Travolta does disco moves and bat dance moves.] Mrs. Nash: OH NO! A DANCE BATTLE! [more dancing] Mr. Nash: Stop this at once! Look at your two. You're supposed to be role models to your fans. What would they say if they saw you acting like this.[Prince and Travolta hang their heads.]. Now come on you two, we'll go to the couch and have some coffee[puts arms around them] and we'll talk it over...and I can tell you all about the eternal salvation that awaits you as a Born Again Christian. [Prince and Travolta look at each other with a look of shock on their faces then spin away from Mr. Nash and begin dancing at him.] Mr. Nash: [backing up] Quick Marsha get the holy water![begins doing Robot break dance move.] [fade out] Rate or review this sketch. |
