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Firefighter Jim.....Will Ferrell Firefighter Dave.....Tracy Morgan Principal.....Chris Parnell Student 1.....Chris Kattan Student 2.....Jimmy Fallon Student 3.....Tina Fey Student 4.....Rachel Dratch (Helen Keller’s School for the Blind holds an assembly to teach students about the importance of fire safety.) Firefighter Jim: Hi students! My name's Jim and I fight fires. This is my partner Dave. Were here today to talk to you about the importance of fire safety. Firefighter Dave: But first! Who likes candy? (Students cheer with excitement) Firefighter Dave: That's great! Because we're going to ask you some questions about fire safety and for each question you get right, we'll throw you some candy. Firefighter Jim: How about it!? (Students cheer hesitantly) Principal: Are you sure that such a good idea guys? Firefighter Dave: Oh yeah. The kids love it. Firefighter Jim: Okay. First we're going to talk about types of fires. Who can tell me one type of fire? Student #1: Uh..forest fires? Firefighter Jim: Uh..Okay. I'll take that. Here comes a blow pop kid. (Jim throws blow pop, directly striking Student 1 in the face) Student #1: Oww... (Begans to cry) Principal: Great! Now look what you've done! These students are blind. Please refrain from hurling hard candy at them. Firefighter Dave: What are you talkin' about? They like it. Principal: NO THEY DON'T! Firefighter Jim: (Ignoring Pricipal) Does anyone no any other types of fires? Student #2: Uhh... (Looks over at fellow crying student) Nevermind. Firefighter Jim: What? Firefighter Dave: I understand. He's just shy. Principal: HE'S AFRAID OF YOU! Firefighter Jim: Noooo. He is shy. Maybe some candy will loosen him up. (Begans heaving candy at Student 2) Firefighter Dave: Yeah! These students are nervous. They all need some candy to loosen them up. (He begans throwing candy at them) Principal: STOP IT PLEASE! (Candy continues to pelt students. Many are crying and asking for help at this point) Student #3: Make the mean men stop principal! Firefighter Dave: You sound like you need some more candy! (Heaves some) (By this point, the students' Seeing Eye dogs have started eating the candy and running off with it. The educational assembley has turned into a catastrophe with the dogs running off with candy, students crying, the principal in hysterics trying to stop the madness, and the firefighters still flinging candy. END Rate or review this sketch. |
