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Andrew Dice Clay.....Horatio Sanz Interviewer.....Chris Parnell Tampax Girl 1.....Ana Gasteyer (Video montage appropriate with voiceover) Voiceover: In the late 80's and early 90's America learned to love comic superstar Andrew Dice Clay. His raunchy stand up act caught America off guard and begging for more, until he began acting with such films as Ford Fairlane. It seemed after that, 'The Diceman' seemed to fall off the earth so we at VH1 decided to find out where he is now. Ext. Feminine Touch Advertising agency Voiceover: We found him at his own advertising agency specializing in feminine products. Where he graciously granted us a sitdown interview. Fade to office interior Interviewer: I have to ask about the weight first Dice, what happened. Dice: Hey, just more cushion for the pushin' badda bing. Interviewer: Good enough, now feminine products... Is this a newer 'gentler' Dice man? Dice: Not at all, first off I get to work with hot broads all week long and secondly research has shown that women are exceptionally brand loyal. So I direct my commercials toward men that have been asked to buy a product by their bitchy wife who won't bang him until he does it. Interviewer: I don't really know what you're saying Dice. Dice: Tell you what I got something me and the boys worked up for Tampax, it's not what I envisioned but the broads over their weren't into my initial teabagging concept. Not their cup of tea, pow. Fade to Tampax ad designed by Dice. Tampax Girl: I thought all Tampons were the same, so when my husband brought home Tampax I gave them a try. I am glad I did, I began having these uncontrollable urges for threesomes, not just experimenting, but hardcore donut bumping. My husband was actually excited about the idea. Thanks Tampax for saving my marriage. Interviewer: That's disgusting. Wouldn't the backlash kill Tampax? Dice: Nah, they're only shown during meaningless ballgames, stuff chicks don't watch. I got one for lesbian dishsoap you should check out. Interviewer: I'm leaving. Voiceover: It was fascinating to see 'The Diceman' a little older and wiser. Next week on where are they now: The cast of 'Wings'. Rate or review this sketch. |
