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Terminator.....Arnold Schwarzennegger Brad.....Will Ferrell Samantha.....Rachel Dratch Announcer.....Chris Parnell (open on classroom full of kids throwing paper airplanes.The door flies open,in walks the Terminator with a huge gun and a rich accent) ("Bad To The Bone" plays in the background, setting change rapidly) Terminator: Is this room 312? Brad: ...ye...yes. Terminator: Good. (points gun at students) Now, you little parasites, I will be your substitute for today,so sit back, relax, and let's get ready to explore the fun world of learning. But first, it's silent reading time. The first person I catch talking will get their head blown off. Announcer: It's the Terminator as you've never seen him before...(shows Terminator writing on chalk board) Terminator: And that's how the dung beetle reproduces. Now...let's talk about cars. Announcer: ...Teaching a class!!! (shows close-up of Terminator) Terminator: I'm bout' ta' get my learn on. Announcer: It's Terminator 3: The Robotic Teacher!!! Terminator: I'll be back. I have to go to the bathroom. Announcer: He'll take on the ultimate battle of illiteracy! (shows him reading a book with a student) Brad: "I will not eat green eggs and ham", hey! I did it! Yay! (Terminator smiles and gives two thumbs up into the camera) Announcer: He'll teach you math! Samantha: I'll never get Algebra!! Terminator: No! Never say never! Announcer: He'll teach you history! (shows him writing on chalk board) Terminator: This is Abraham Lincoln... (points to his drawing of the person on the chalk board) and this is how he got shot in the head. Announcer: He'll teach you science! (shows him wearing safety goggle over his sunglasses and holding a test-tube) Terminator: ...And that is called a chemical reaction. Announcer: But watch out...he'll also kick your ass!!! Samantha: Terminator! Look! There's a wasp flying around the room!! (shows bug flying around) Terminator: Everybody...get down!!! (kids get down on the floor. Terminator picks up his huge gun and starts firing) Die! Die! Die!!!! (becomes silent) Brad: Hey! (he says in happy tone) Everybody look! The Terminator accidentally shot Carlos! That's the fourth person he's shot this week! Ha ha ha! Terminator: Oops! I did it again! Samantha: I love that song! Terminator: (he says giggling) I know! Me too! I made a funny! (they all laugh) Announcer: ...But he can also be your friend. Brad: Hey Mr. Terminator, what's your favorite movie? Terminator: "Peggy Sue Got Married". Kathleen Turner was radiant! Announcer: Terminator 3: The Robotic Teacher...coming to a school near you. Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby. (fades to black) Rate or review this sketch. |
