|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Diane Silverman.....Ana Gasteyer Stuart Mobley.....Jon Stewart [ open on interior, Talk America radio control booth, Diane Silverman seated in a reclining stool next to her guest Stuart Mobley, who sits in a wheelchair ] [ Theme music pots up ] Announcer: Welcome to "The Best of Everything", with your host Diane Silverman, a weekly wrap-up of the Alternative Media and other information you might want to be interested in. Now, here's your host, Diane Silverman. Diane Silverman: [ chipper ] Good morning! I'm Diane Silverman, and welcome to "The Best of Everything"! We have a lot of important things to talk about this morning. My guest is Stuart Mobley, and Stuart has some information regarding his personal investigation of the disappearance of Chandra Levy.. Stuart Mobley: That's right, Diane. Political scandal and intrigue has long been a fascination of mine, and this case certainly.. Diane Silverman: One moment, Stuart. Lean back in your wheelchair and sit tight. I haven't finished introducing you. Stuart Mobley: Oh. Sorry. Diane Silverman: Stuart was visiting Washington, D.C. when Chandra disappeared. This does not necessarily make him a suspect in her disappearance. After all, Stuart has long been the victim of numerous terrorist attacks himself, having become paralyzed from the waist down after only his second terrorist attack when Libyans fired at him during a business trip to that terrorist country. And, because of the dangerous information Stuart collects on various public figures, he is always a focus for new terrorist attacks. Stuart, it's so great to have you here today! We do have security surrounding the building right now. Stuart Mobley: Thank you, Diane. Diane Silverman: Stuart has led a personal investigation of Chandra Levy's Georgetown apartment, and he has some startling information about who's really to blame for her death, which I think is going to blow your mind this morning. And something else that will blow your mind this morning, is a wonderful new product which is not available in any store near you, but it is available for purchase exclusively on "The Best of Everything". I'm referring to the Laundry Globe. [ holds one up to the microphone ] The Laundry Globe is more than just a timesaver. In fact, one Laundry Globe is good for up to a thousand uses in your washer. A product guaranteed to last up to ten years. And it helps clean your clothes better and faster than ordinary laundry detergent can. As I said, it's not available in any store, just through me, Diane Silverman, and "The Best of Everything". You can call me anytime during the week at 1-800-SILVERMAN to order the Laundry Globe, available for only $99.99. But, when you consider the amount of money you would spend on laundry detergent over the course of ten years, as well as the detergent you would lose through carelessness and box waste, it's really a terrific deal that you couldn't possibly pass up, and you can call me anytime during the week to order yours. Take it from me, it's well worth the price you'll pay. [ Stuart checks his watch, wondering if he'll get to speak on the air or not ] Diane Silverman: Chandra Levy paid a high price for independence two months ago. My guest, Stuart Mobley, has important information regarding his personal investigation of Chandra's disappearance, and he has single-handedly discovered who really led the conspiracy to kidnap Chandra, and where she is now, and I think you are going to be shocked by the information he reveals this morning to you.. Stuart Mobley: That's right, Diane. Your listeners are in for the shock of their lives this morning.. Diane Silverman: Shock of their lives, indeed, Stuart. But, for the deal of your lives, you need to order our other sponsor, Collodial Silver. Collodial Silver is a life-saving device whose helpful uses range from anti-fungal properties if applied topically to the skin, all the way to its use as an immune supportive substance in the control of HIV. But it can do so much more. For example, it can treat over 600 diseases and is powerful enough to kill almost all virus, fungus, bacteria and other organisms within four minutes of direct application. It literally works as a second immune system, and you cannot afford to live without this miracle supplement. Truly, an amazing scientific development, which you can order today by calling me at 1-800-SILVERMAN. It's only $15 an ounce, and it can save your life, so don't think twice about ordering Collodial Silver. Call me today. My guest is Stuart Mobley, and he knows exactly who kidnapped Chandra Levy, and where she is now. Her kidnapping was no coincindence. Someone highly influential was behind it, and Stuart knows all about it - his life could be in danger as well. [ closing theme music pots up ] Stuart? We're out of time. Stuart Mobley: Out of time? But.. Diane Silverman: I'm very sorry, Stuart. Perhaps you can wheel your way back into our studios next week and unveil this mystery conspirator for us? Stuart Mobley: All you did was talk about your damn sponsors! This is important information! Diane Silverman: Stuart, you must try to keep us in suspense. We'll have something to look forward to next week. Stuart Mobley: I don't believe this.. Diane Silverman: I'm Diane Silverman. This has been "The Best of Everything", brought to you by the Laundry Globe - ten years worth of laundry in one small globe. And by Collodial Silver - you can't afford to live without it. Until next week, goodbye! [ Stuart argues with Diane as the scene fades to black ] Rate or review this sketch. |
