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Dick Sore.....Jon Stewart Peter.....Will Ferrell Sarah.....Tina Fey Mike.....Jimmy Fallon (opens in Peter's house. Dick Sore enters) Peter: Hey Dick! How are ya? Dick Sore: (staring at the ground) I'm fine thanks. Peter: Are you sure? You don't look well. Dick Sore: (yelling) I tell you I'm all right! Now you're acting like crap! Peter: (confused) Like crap? Theme Song: "Is it Dick Sore? Or Sore Dick? Either way it's the same He says everyone's lame When something is wrong He claims it's crap For example take this song What does he say? (pause) CRAP! Heeeeee's a diiiiiiick!" Announcer: The Adventures Of Dick Sore. Tonight's episode: Dinner at Peter's Peter: Welcome Dick. Let me hang your coat. (takes his coat and hangs it in a nearby closet) Dick Sore: Thanks. Where's Sarah? Peter: She's in the kitchen preparing dinner. Hey Sarah come over here! Dick has arrived! (Sarah enters) Sarah: Oh, hi Dick! Long time no see. Dick Sore: Yeah, you said it. Hey, what's for dinner? Sarah: Ah, it's a surprise! Dick Sore: (angrily) Tell me! I don't like surprises. Surprises are crappy! Sarah: I'm sorry. I thought you'd like it that way. Peter: (whispering to Sarah) He doesn't like anything anyway. Dick Sore: I heard you, crap-head! So, what's for dinner? Peter: (sighing) Meat loaf. Dick Sore: (stunned) What!? We're eating Meat Loaf? Sarah: Yes. Is there a problem? Dick Sore: Is there a problem you say? Are ya crazy you crap-hearted bitch? Right now, you're cooking one of my favorite singers! Sarah: Not that meat loaf, silly! The edible one. 'Cuz the other wouldn't even fit in the oven. Dick Sore: Don't you ever say something bad 'bout M.L. He's the only guy I know that doesn't make crappy tunes. Peter: I thought you liked the "Singing Birds" CD I gave you last Christmas. Dick Sore: Are you stupid? Do you know what I did with that crap-o-licious thing the minute you left my house? I put it into a balloon, I swallowed the balloon and expulsed it in my toilet as if it were pure, biological crap! Peter: Why did you even think about doing such a thing? Dick Sore: (yelling in Peter's face) BECAUSE I AM THE CRAPMASTER!!! Sarah: That's sick. (a bell is heard) Ah, dinner's ready. Let's call Mike. MIKE! DINNER'S READY! (Mike rushes out of a staircase. He's carrying a laptop computer and is working on it.) Mike: Cool! I was getting hungry. Hey Dick, how are ya? Dick Sore: Fine thanks. (looks at Mike's computer) What's that? Mike: Well, it's my laptop. Cool, isn't it? Dick Sore: (sarcastically) Yeah, right kiddo! Which company made it? Crapotronics? Mike: Uhh...actually it's Dell. Dick Sore: Yeah, that's what the guys who made it are. Dell-usionistic crap-makers! Peter: That's enough! You won't harass my son with your insane thoughts. Now get out of my house! Dick Sore: Okay, I'll go. But you're not done with me. I'll keep threatening everyone in this house by sending each one of you crappy vibrations telepathically. We'll meet again, old friends. Farewell! (Dick Sore leaves. Peter, Sarah and Mike are hugging each other looking at the door.) Theme Song: Heeeeee's a diiiiick! Announcer: Stay tuned for next week's episode: Deep into the Redlight. (screen fades) Rate or review this sketch. |
