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First-Lady Laura Bush.....Tina Fey
Announcer: And now, a Message From the First-Lady of the United States. First-Lady Laura Bush: Good evening, America. I'm Laura Bush. First-Lady of the United States. Of America. Wife of President George W. Bush. I just wanted to clarify that for those of you who may have never seen nor heard of me before. Such is the fate of the wife of the President, which I why I wanted to address you tonight. Everyone knows who the President is, because he was elected. But a First-Lady has to earn her nation's respect. Some First-Ladies, like Hillary Clinton, were more desperate than others. But, overall, through sheer determination, First-Ladies before me have left their mark. There was my mother-in-law, Barbara Bush, who used to fill her days by writing books from the perspective of Millie, the family dog. Nancy Reagan had her "Just Say No!" campaign, which didn't seem to apply to her husband's re-election. Before her, Rosalyn Carter.. well, exactly my point - who the hell remembers Rosalyn Carter, much less her function in the White House? Before her, there was Betty Ford, who at least went on to build a drug rehab clinic. Pat Nixon.. well, she had her hands full just trying to keep Richard out of jail during the Watergate scandal. Lady Bird Johnson has her Wildflower Center. Jackie Kennedy, we remember her mostly for the way she crawled across the back of the limosine after JFK was shot. You know, sometimes I feel like Jackie Kennedy - young, vulnerable, sexy.. George once said to me, "I knew Jackie Kennedy, I worked with Jackie Kennedy, and, Laura, you're no Jackie Kennedy." I told George, "You never met Jackie Kennedy, she just appeared to you as a hallucination that time you overdosed on cocaine!" Anyway, back to the purpose of my address. I want to leave my mark in this administration. I don't want to just be remembered as the wife of the peabrain who happened to hold office for four years. In search of a hidden talent to leave as a legacy, I remembered a secret family recipe that I thought the country might be interested in. It's my grandmother's recipe for Raisin Walnut Chocolate Chip cookies, and next month I will be touring the schools and workplaces of our great nation to pass out free samples of the cookies that have been in my family for three generations. [ holds one of her cookies in her hand ] Children and adults alike will be able to taste my cookies and remember me for what I provided this administration. [ bites into her cookie ] Mmm-mmm.. Yes, just one bite, America, and you, too, will say, "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!" Rate or review this sketch. |
