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Steve.....Jimmy Fallon Frankie....Brad Garrett Cop.....Will Ferrell Announcer....Darrell Hammond [ View of Steve's house. Steve can be seen through the window. ] Steve: Hi out there! It's me, Steve! Have you seen Blue, my puppy? [ Blue comes into the scene ] Kids: There she is! Steve: Come on in! [ The scene moves inside as Blue goes inside. ] Steve: Oh, hi there. As you might recall from an episode last year, my father called me a complete loser and told me to make some human friends. Who knew it'd take me a whole year until I finally met one? And my new friend is here to watch a baseball game. So, kids, may I introduce to you, my first human friend, Frankie! Frankie: Remember our deal. If you call this a play date on TV, I'll kill you. Steve: So, there isn't that much time until game time. Blue, do you know who's playing? (Blue nods) Frankie: Yeah, this game is between the.. Steve: Frankie, don't distract Blue. Blue, who's playing? (Blue rushes to the front and puts a pawprint on the screen) Steve: Oh! We'll play Blue's Clues to find out who's playing in the baseball game! Frankie: Steve, it's all over the newspaper, we don't need this crap! Steve: Oh, come on and play Blue's Clues with us. (sings) We are gonna play Blue's Clues, cause that's a really great game. Yeah. Now remember, Blue's pawprint will be on the clues. Blue's Clues. Frankie: Steve, I don't wanna play this little kid crap! You won't let me play loud music, you won't let me say any remotely bad words.. We're doing something I want to do, dang it! Steve: Frankie, what have I told you about that word? Frankie: Ah, screw this. (pulls out a gun and shoots Steve in the foot) Steve: Ow! (Steve bends over to examine his foot. His sock is completely red from bleeding, and there is a pawprint on it.) Kids: A clue! Steve: Yeah, I'll sue him too. Kids: No, it's a clue! Steve: Oh! A clue! Where? Kids: On your sock! Steve: Oh! My sock is a clue! And look at it. It's a RED sock. We need to write this down in our handy dandy notebook! So we're trying to figure out who is playing in the baseball game. And our first clue is, a sock. A RED sock. Frankie: Don't you even want to go to the hospital? Steve: Normally, I would, but a game of Blue's Clues is much more important. Now let's limp to the kitchen to look for more Blue's Clues. (doorbell rings) Let's go answer the door. (Steve answers the door. There is a cop at the door.) Cop: Hello. I'm looking for a Frankie. Is he here? Steve: Why yes, officer! Frankie: Damn it, pansy-ass, you're not supposed to say that! Cop: Frankie, you are under arrest for 22 counts of burglary, 48 counts of vandalism, 17 murders, 39 attempted murders and one count of copying and re-transmitting without the express written consent of Major League Baseball! Steve: Wow, that's very interesting. But try to keep the numbers down. Most of my audience can only count up to 7. Frankie: Stand back, fag! (pulls out his gun and shoots the cop through the heart.) Cop: Ah! (collapses and dies) Steve: Frankie, I wasn't going to teach the kids about death until I was at least 75! (An angel rises from the body of the cop. There is a pawprint on the angel.) Kids: A clue! Steve: You see a clue? Where? Kids: On the angel! Steve: Oh! The angel is a clue! So our second clue is an angel! So we're trying to figure out who's playing in the baseball game, and our clues are a red sock and an angel. I think we need to find our last clue. Frankie: Ah, screw this, I'm gonna read the paper. Steve: Okay. You do it while I look for the last clue. Frankie: (opening the paper) Damn it, you went and spilled something on the sports' page! Steve: Let's have a look. (Steve looks and spots a pawprint under the headline "Red Sox, Angels, to Meet Tonight.") Kids: A clue! Steve: Oh, our third clue! It's this headline! So we're ready for our thinking chair! (Steve goes and sits in his thinking chair.) Steve: Now that we're in our thinking chair, let's think. We're trying to figure out who's playing in the baseball game, and our clues are, a red sock, an angel, and a headline that says "Red Sox, Angels to Play Tonight." Frankie: Shut up, fruit boy, the game's about to start! Steve: Frankie, I'm trying to think here. Francis: Quiet! I can't hear the announcer! Announcer (on TV): We're in for a great game of baseball tonight. We hope you'll enjoy watching the Red Sox and the Angels. Steve: Wait. The Red Sox and the Angels! That's why the red sock and the angel were clues! That announcer just figured out Blue's Clues! (rushes off) Announcer: That's right, and.. I'm told we have a call, which is very strange, considering there's no phone in the booth. Hello? Steve: (on phone singing) You've just figured out Blue's Clues, you've just figured out Blue's Clues, you've just figured out Blue's Clues, because you're really smart! Announcer: You've heard it here first, folks. Televised baseball has sunk to a new low. Angel of Cop: Mind if I watch the game with you? Steve: Oh! It's the policeman. Remember when Frankie murdered him in cold blood, kids? Angel of Cop: That's a nasty wound in your foot. Steve: Oh, it's not so.. (head spins) whoa... Listen, kids, thank you for all of your help today, but I have to have some life saving surgery. Wow, that's ten times I've signed off of the show that way! Anyway, bye bye, see you later! Rate or review this sketch. |
