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INT. TOWN HALL - NIGHT In this small town hall, a meeting is going on. In the front are the COUNCIL PEOPLE, including the MAYOR and DONNA, the treasurer, while the CITIZENS of this small town sit in front of them. The most notable citizens are CITIZEN 1, way in the back, and CITIZEN 2 and CITIZEN 3 sitting next to each other somewhere in the middle. The Mayor stands near an easel with a large pad of paper on it. The piece of paper seen now is blank. Mayor: (to crowd) Now as you all know, our Triple A baseball team made the playoffs for first time in seventeen years. The crowd CHEERS. Mayor: (CONT'D) Yes they were swept and beaten badly in all four games, but it was still the start of something big. CITIZEN 1 Here! Here! Mayor: Therefore, I think it was an almost anonymous decision that we needed to build a new stadium to show our support. The crowd CHEERS again. Mayor: (CONT'D) Now in order to do that, we gonna have to cut back on some things. That doesn't mean education or parks and rec. I'm talking most namely about... The Mayor lifts the blank piece of paper over the easel to show a picture of... Mayor: (CONT'D) ...the giant sloth. The crowd is OUTRAGED. Mayor: (CONT'D) Donna, you had some thoughts on this. Donna stands up and speaks to the crowd. Donna: Thank you, Steve. As you might imagine, taking care of a giant sloth is not that easy. It takes a lot of time and a lot of money. Now it cost over five thousand dollars to ship in 98,000 pounds of yucca leaves from South America, plus six hundred dollars to take care of the facility where we keep the leaves. Not to mention the seven hundred dollars a month for the facility where we keep the actual sloth! Citizen 1: Can't we just move the sloth somewhere else? CROWD: Yeah! Yeah! Donna: Look, it's not like moving a couch from one side of the room to the other. We're talking about an animal 20 feet tall and 3 tons. It's noisy, it's hairy, very smelly, and way too expensive to keep if we're going to build a new stadium. The sloth's gotta go. Citizen 2: (sarcastically) Well if you do that, you might as well get rid of the dinosaurs too. Donna: Exactly. That brings me to my second point. Donna lifts the sloth sheet over to another sheet of paper showing dinosaurs. The crowd starts to BOO. Donna: (CONT'D) Now looking at the dinosaurs we have, most of them are carnivores. I'm talking your Tyrannosaurus Rex, your Allosaurus, Compsognathus, etc. I'm thinking these dinos could eat the giant sloth. The crowd really BOOS her. Donna: (CONT'D) That way not only do we get rid of the sloth, but we also will probably get rid of the dinosaurs because they're not used to eating such furry things. They'll probably choke and die. With both of them gone, we'll actually be under budget and will be able to build a new stadium as well as new uniforms! Citizen 1: I don't mind the dinos but you gotta keep the sloth. I mean it's the emblem of our town. That's what people come to see! Citizen 3: Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! People come to see my unicorn. Not that stupid sloth. Citizen 1: Oh give me a break. So you got a horse with a horn on it's head. Citizen 3: And wings! Don't forget the wings! Citizen 1: Yeah and it flies like a penguin! The crowd really starts to get loud. Mayor: Quiet! Quiet, now! The crowd quiets down. Citizen 2: (as the crowd noise fades) What about the troll under the bridge? Mayor: Now I think we're all forgetting how this town got started in the first place. All we had was a hermaphrodite, a one-eyed vole, and a dream. And it was from those humble beginnings, that we got the Skunk Ape and a mermaid, a basilisk and a griffin; a manticore, a hydra, the satyr and a Kraken; the last saber-tooth tiger and a Mokele-mbembe; not to mention Noah's Ark and a bearded lady. Citizen 3: Don't forget my unicorn! Citizen 1: Shut up! Mayor: Yes, unicorns, dragons, talking fruit, etc. So you see, even without the giant sloth or the dinosaurs, we'll still have a lot of fictional and extinct prehistoric creatures living in our area. Not to the mention, the yeti. In the back of hall, sits a YETI who GROWLS out loud and puts his arms in the air. Citizen 1: Couldn't we just get rid of the ghosts in the town? Mayor: That'd be pointless. Ghosts don't cost nothing. They just sorta float around. Citizen 2: Well I say we go over the rainbow and ask the Wizard for more money. The crowd CHEERS. Donna: No, no, no. Absolutely not. Never do business with sorcerers. They can zap it right back as soon as you get it. Our only option is to get rid of the giant sloth and the dinosaurs. The crowd BOOS her again. Cut to CITIZEN 4 sitting next to a VAMPIRE. Citizen 4: Get rid of the Vampires! Vampire: Why you! The vampire starts strangling Citizen 4 while the whole crowd starts fighting as well. Mayor: Quiet! Quiet! Ahhh! The Yeti attacks him and as total chaos erupts, we black out. Rate or review this sketch. |
