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Jake and Stan are talking inside a parked car in a parking lot. Stan is in the driver's side. Jake: (Looking through telescope straight outside) I don't know if this is such good idea Stan. (Puts down telescope) I mean this is just really really dumb. Stan: Oh come on Will we have to make this happen. Ooooh, I knew I shouldn't have eaten those brownies and Wilma's party. Flashback to Wilma's party. Wilma walks by and offers Stan a brownie. Stan looks at Wilma from head to toe. Obviously attracted to her, he immediately grabs a brownie. Stan: Come back later, I may need some more, sweetness (winks at Wilma while he eats the brownie hurriedly) Stan starts hallucinating after eating the brownies Back to present. Close up of Stan's face with an obvious grin of satisfaction. Jake: Hey stop that shit man, (smacks Stan on the head) Jake: I'm doing this because I've known you for a long time and because we are pals. You better pay me back for this. Stan: Okay man no problem. Jake: You stay here. You let me handle everything. Jake steps out of the car. Jake: Just make sure you keep the door locks and do not let anybody in. Stan: Why yes master (sticks tongue out) Jake gets out of the car and heads towards building. Close up of clinic door which reads: "Prove it all Labs" Open M-F 8-3 Sat Sun- Open for Bingo Jake: Open for bingo Saturday and Sunday? Hmmm? Close up of face. Jake opens door and sees 4 people in the clinic. The clinic is a small rectangular room with a counter and a door leading to another hallway behind. Behind the front counter is a lady who reads a magazine lazily. On the chair sits 3 other people eagerly awaiting or fearing their turn to be called. Counter Lady: Just give me your paper work and I.D. sir and then have a seat. Jake fumbles with his paperwork, and hesitantly pulls out his wallet. Jake takes his time pulling out his identification. Counter Lady: (In annoyance) Sir, we don't have all day here Jake: Oh, here it is! (Laughs) I ummm.. thought I left it at home there for a minute. Counter Lady: Well sir? May I see it? Jake slowly hands the I.D. to the Lady slowly until lady impatiently just grabs the I.D. away from him. Counter Lady: (Obviously annoyed voice) Have a seat.. (points at seat) Sir! Jake: Umm (scratches head) ok.. ma'am. Jake sits down. While Jake is sitting down, we see a close up of him sweating bullets. I mean he is just so shaken to the fact that he is doing something he shouldn't be doing and he may be caught. He thinks about the penalties of what might happen if he gets caught. Newspaper headlines flash in his head such as "Man Caught Impersonating his Best Friend to Cover up for his Drug Use", and "Man gets 40 years in jail for impersonation". (Police lights flash upon his face) He snaps back into reality as another lady nurse opens the hallway door and speaks, Nurse: Stan Wells? Stan Wells (as she surveys the obviously empty room) Jake: (Hurriedly getting up as in military quick) Yes Ma'am? Nurse: Are you ready? We just need you to pee in this cup. Nurse hands him a small empty cup. Nurse: The bathroom is right there. Do not wash your hands do not flush the toilet when you are done. Jake: Wow that's the opposite of what mom used to say. Nurse looks at Jake fiercely. Jake: Yes ma'am. Jake goes into bathroom behind the hallway. Jake: (As he urinates in cup the sound of him peeing is heard) Ahhhhhh.. holy. Hey uhh what happens if the cup can't hold any more? Nurse: Just direct the rest of your urinary fluids into the toilet sir. rolls eyes up) Jake: And you expect me not to wash my hands? Jake steps out of the toilet with a cup full of bright bright yellow liquid in the cup he was handed. Jake: Here you go ma'am. (starts to hand her the cup) Police sirens sound off. Police light flash as we hear the police on a loudspeaker. Loudspeaker: Come out we know you are in there. Jake starts to lose control and staggers around with his cup of golden piss. As he waves about his pee pee flies everywhere. Gets on nurse's white lab coat and turns it yellow. Jake: (Paces warily back and forth) Must get rid of evidence!! Ahh I got it. Jake drinks his cup full of pee! He guzzles the cup as fast as if he is guzzling down tequila. After that he displays a very sour face. Jake: (As he wipes his mouth) Eewwwe! Just after he drinks it two police officers come in. Jake kneels on the ground and surrenders as he presents them his wrists. Jake: Oh take me.. The two cops ignore Jake as they cuff, and take away a heavily tattooed guy. This guy was in the clinic all along but was not in the view of the camera. After cops take the suspicious person away, both female nurses laugh at Jake. Jake runs out of the door like a little kid who lost his mom. Counter Lady: Sir! You forgot your I.D! END Rate or review this sketch. |
