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Vendor.....Horatio Sanz Customer 1.....Will Ferrell Customer 2.....Ana Gasteyer Customer 3.....Tracy Morgan Policeman.....Chris Parnell [The scene opens on a New York street. Horatio Sanz is wiping down his hotdog stand waiting for customers. Will Ferrell approaches the stand.] Customer 1: Hi. Could I get two dogs, with ketchup only? Vendor: [In heavy Greek accent.] Oh you want my hot dog? Customer 1: Uh yeah, two actually, with ketchup only. Thanks. Vendor: Okay you want me to put the dog in hard or soft? Customer 1: What? Vendor: You want me to jam it in there or ease the dog slowly into the bun? Customer 1: Look whatever you want, I'm in a hurry. Vendor: Okay. I do it my favorite way. [Has bun in one hand and hot dog in the other. He begins to put the hotdog in the bun slowly, simulating intercourse.] Oh yeah. Nice and slow is the way to go. [looks at the customer] These young lovers are virgins and they need to take their time. Customer 1: Oh my God! Vendor: Oh yes they need to lube up too. That's why we have the ketchup. [The vendor puts ketchup on the tip of the hotdog and resumes penetrating the bun.] Customer 1: You sicko! You just lost my business! [walks away quickly] Vendor: Oh well. I guess he doesn't like to watch me make the dogs. [Ana Gasteyer approaches the hotdog stand.] Customer 2: Hello I would like one hotdog. Plain please. Vendor: Okay nice lady. What size you want? Customer 2: Oh, I don't know. I didn't know there were sizes. Vendor: Yes we have three sizes. We have small, [holds up normal looking hotdog] medium, [holds up bigger hot dog] and Giantopoulos. [holds up hotdog that looks like a dildo] Customer 2: You are disgusting! I am telling the police! Vendor: For what nice lady? [Gasteyer runs away] Vendor: Well I am O for 2 today. No matter, I do better soon. [Tracy Morgan approaches the hotdog stand] Customer 3: Hey, gimme four hotdogs with relish, tomatoes, and mustard. Vendor: Okay four dogs coming up. [opens up latch to stand and looks inside] Oh I am out of dogs in here so I'll have to get some out of storage. Customer 3: I don't have time for that buddy. Vendor: No wait! My storage is right here... [Reaches into his pants and starts pulling out hotdogs] there we go... 1 hotdog... 2 hotdog... oh they smell good too. I've been keeping them warm all morning next to my hot Greek meatballs. Customer 3: Oh hell no! I'm not hungry now. [leaves quickly] [Customer 2 and a policeman hurry towards the stand] Policeman: Okay now tell me what he did exactly. Customer 2: Officer just ask the vendor to show you his Giantopolous sized hotdog. Policeman: Are you kidding? I'd love to. How are you Antonias? Vendor: Very good officer O'Reilly. The usual for you today? Policeman: Yes please. Vendor: Okay. One large Giantopolous with mayonaisse only. [The vendor hands the hotdog to the policeman. The policeman bites into the head of the phallic looking hotdog and mayonnaise drips out of his mouth.] Policeman: Oh wow! This is the best one yet! [Customer 2 walks away in shock. The policeman continues eating.] End Rate or review this sketch. |
