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Mother.....Ana Gasteyer Jared.....Chris Kattan Bobby.....Jimmy Fallon Announcer.....Darrell Hammond (Woman walks in kitchen with two bags of groceries. Two little boys come running in and are passing a football back and forth to each other) Jared: Hey mom! Bobby: Hi mom! Mother: Hey you guys! Don't pass the ball in the house, okay? Both: Okay! (they run out the back door, she turns to camera taking items out of the grocery bag and setting them on the counter) Mother: As a mother of two, I believe that nutrition is important. It's something that kids just don't get enough of these days, and I know that I want my kids to be healthy. (she pulls out pop-tart box) That's why Kellogg's proudly introduces to you new "Health-E Pop Tarts". (shows logo on box) It's filled with the things that all growing kids need, not that other junk like regular pop-tarts. For calcium, there's new cheddar cheese pop-tarts, so I know they'll get the right amount of calcium they need to grow strong bones. There's also tomato pop-tarts, made with a creamy tomato paste that they can't resist. I particularly enjoy the baked bean pop-tarts. (she takes a bite out of the baked bean pop-tart and smiles, farts) Oops! Excuse me! I don't know where that came from! (laughs) But to make sure my kids stay regular...the old fashioned way, there's new prune pop-tarts. (she holds up box, as the kids run in the house) Jared: Mom, can we have a snack? Mother: You sure can! (she hands him a cheddar cheese pop-tart, then turns to other child) Are you still constipated, Bobby? Bobby: Yes, mom. Mother: (looks into camera) We'll see about that! (She hands him a prune pop-tart) Both: Thanks, mom! (they run back outside) Mother: You're welcome! (she turns back to camera) Kids love these new pop-tarts, it's their favorite new snack. And, thanks to Kellogg's new "Health-E Pop-Tarts", I can go back to doing a half-assed job of being a mother. Hey, these kids can help themselves, now. It's not my fault. (she looks at watch) Ooh! My soaps are on! (she leaves room. camera zooms in on pop-tart box) ANnouncer: Kellogg's new "Health-E Pop Tarts". Go buy them now, or you're a bad mother. (fades to black) Rate or review this sketch. |
