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Connie Chung.....Maya Rudolph Ghost of Chandra Levy.....Reese Witherspoon .....Maury Povich [ fade in on file tape of Connie Chung's interview with Gary Condit ] Gary Condit: [ real, on tape ] Well, Connie, I’ve been married for 34 years, and uh, I’ve not been a... a perfect man, and I’ve made my share of mistakes. But um, out of respect for my family, and out of a specific request from the Levy family, I think it’s best that I not get into those details uh, about Chandra Levy. Connie Chung: [ real, on tape ] Can you tell us... did you have a romantic relationship with Chandra Levy? Gary Condit: [ real, on tape ] Well, once again, I’ve been married 34 years. I have not been a perfect man. I have made mistakes in my life. But out of respect for my family, out of a specific request by the Levy family, it is best that I not get into the details of the relationship. Connie Chung: [ real, on tape ] Are you trying to suggest that Chandra Levy did not have an affair with you, and that it was a fabric of her imagination? Gary Condit: [ real, on tape ] I’ve been married 34 years, I’ve made some mistakes in my life, I’m not a perfect man. But out of respect for my family, and out of a request, a specific request from the Levys, I will not go into the details of Chandra Levy at all. [ fade out, dissolve to "Primetime Thursday" logo ] Announcer: "Primetime Thursday", with your host Connie Chung. Connie Chung: Good evening, I'm Connie Chung, welcome to "Primetime Thursday". Congressman Gary Condit, clearly trying to hide information during our interview a month ago. Finding out the truth from the congressman was much like pulling teeth, so tonight I'll be interviewing someone more qualified to give a straight answer in this matter. Please welcome the Ghost of Chandra Levy. Chandra? [ cut to wide shot of Chandra Levy's ghost, appearing much like a projection hologram, sitting next to Connie in the studio ] Ghost of Chandra Levy: Thank you for inviting me here tonight, Connie. Connie Chung: Well, I understand you had some free time in your schedule? Ghost of Chandra Levy: It's not so bad. But I am happy to be here tonight to expose Gary and the crime he has committed. Connie Chung: Well, allow me to return to my original question to the congressman - Did Gary Condit have a relationship with Chandra Levy? Ghost of Chandra Levy: Well, it's not like he was my boyfriend or anything, I mean, like, oh my God - gross! Connie Chung: But there was a romantic relationship involved? The two of you did have an affair, this was not a fabric of your imagination? Ghost of Chandra Levy: Well.. I imagined he would have been a little bigger.. Connie Chung: How many inches, Chandra? If it's not to painful to say. Ghost of Chandra Levy: It wasn't even too painful to feel. I might as well have been reading a magazine. Connie Chung: You spent a lot of time at Congressman Condit's private apartment. Did he ever threaten to fire you if you didn't visit? Ghost of Chandra Levy: Well.. no. But then, he never promised he wouldn't fire me if I didn't visit.. so you read into that however you like. Connie Chung: The man is clearly scum. Ghost of Chandra Levy: Connie, your observations are always so astute. I hear your voice, and it eminates the sounds of truth, reason, justice. Like the heartbeat of America, you are you and that is what you are. Connie Chung: [ unphased ] It's always nice to talk to someone who can turn the focus of the interview onto me. Now, Chandra, do you think Congressman Condit was, in any way, involved with the recent terrorist attack on New York City? As a means of distracting negative press away from himself? Ghost of Chandra Levy: [ thinking ] That would stand to reason, wouldn't it? Connie Chung: Yes. Ghost of Chandra Levy: Well, it's not like you need my thoughts on the subject in order to report your mind. You pretty much say whatever you feel like anyway, don't you? Connie Chung: Absolutely. I was just wondering if the thought had crossed your mind. Ghost of Chandra Levy: Marilyn Monroe and I were actually debating that subject the other day. Connie Chung: And? Ghost of Chandra Levy: She decided that gentlemen still prefer blondes. Connie Chung: An interesting observation. Ghost of Chandra Levy: Yeah. Of course, that may have been the Quaaludes talking. Connie Chung: Yes, of course. [ Connie's husband, Maury Povich, appears over her left shoulder ] Maury Povich: Connie, are you ready to go? Connie Chung: Ssshhh! Can't you see I am interviewing Chandra Levy! [ Chandra's chair is now revealed to be empty ] Now, Chandra.. what about the box? The watch box Congressman Condit discarded in his dumpster. What can you tell me about that? Ghost of Chandra Levy: [ now obviously being voiced by Connie ] It was a gift I had given him. But he was afraid to have it linked to him, however innocent. Which only served to make him more guilty. Maury Povich: [ grabs Connie's shoulders ] Connie, let's.. let's give this up. You have to let it go. Connie Chung: But I want this story! I don't care if Manhatten Island sinks to the ocean floor, Gary Condit is my story! And I'm not going to rest until I get to the bottom of it! Maury Povich: Come on, Connie.. it's over. Accept it. Connie Chung: [ silent, near tears ] Hold that thought, Chandra.. we're going to cut away now for a commercial.. and when we come back.. I'm going to receive a full psychiatric evaluation.. I'm Connie Chung.. CBS. [ fade out, dissolve to "Primetime Thursday" logo ] Announcer: "Primetime Thursday" will return next week, with your new host.. Maury Povich! [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch. |
