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Tony Corlew.....Sean William Scott Militia Man 1.....Will Ferrell Militia Man 2.....Jeff Richards Telepone Pole Repairman.....Tracy Morgan Police Chief.....Darrell Hammond Detective.....Tina Fey Stewardess.....Amy Pohler Passangers.....Various Extras (SCENE: An underground bunker underneath the Akron, Ohio Gun Club. Three shady looking characters are discussing some things on a dark table. There is a huge poster of Craig Killborn) Tony Corlew: Tonight we will stage an attack so deadly that the Americans will be forced to surrender. Then we will kill all the cripples and negros. Militia Man 1: The plane is ready and you ready to give your life Mister Corlew for our god, Craig Kilborn. Militia Man 2: Killborn! (SCENE: A 737 named Air Impact. A Stewardess is going around asking for lunch orders. She gets to Tony's seat) Stewardess: Would you like some fish or the steak (Corlew pulls out a slingshot) Tony Corlew: You will die in the name of Kilborn! Stewardess: I'm sorry all we have is Fish and Steak (Gets hit with a slingshot) Ow that hurt Tony Corlew: I will take this plane and crash into the White House! Then we will watch Craig Kilborn in the Heaven! Random Passenger: Conan's better (Gets hit by slingshot) Ouch! (Scene: A wreckage site, Telephone Man, Detective, and Police Chief are at the scene) Police Chief: I'm detective Mike Shannahan and this is my assistant Mark Polishuk. Telephone Pole Repairman: (Looking at detective) What kind of name is Mark Polishuk? Detective: My parents were bald U2 fans. (Lorne Michaels suddenly bursts into the scene) Lorne Michaels: I'm sorry this sketch blows.. It was just an excuse to get the name Mark Polishuk on SNL.. Detective: That's good, later in the script I have to do more than Hug Bob Barron. Rate or review this sketch. |
