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George W. Bush: Will Ferrell Rudy Giuliani: Darrell Hammond Taliban: Chris Kattan (opens in a small restaurant in New York) George W. Bush: Damn, those Talibans are one strong opponent. Rudy Giuliani: Yeah. They destroyed the Twin Towers. Now our city looks pretty bad. George W. Bush: You're right. I wish we could whack them right now but, if we do, they may bomb us with biological weapons. Rudy Giuliani: Good thinking. The day they will unleash their arsenal on us, your reputation is doomed. George W. Bush: Even if I ain't got no rep anymore, I'll shove an H-bomb up their camels' butts. (laughs) Rudy Giuliani: Ha ha! Great idea. Hey George, can I tell you a secret? George W. Bush: Sure. But I won't keep it for long. Rudy Giuliani: (acts confused) Anyway...come closer. (George W. Bush leans toward Rudy Giuliani) Rudy Giuliani: I'm thinking about a Taliban eradication program to prevent such attacks. George W. Bush: Ha ha! What's the codename? Rudy Giuliani: It's called Knock-a-Taliban. New Yorkers will be allowed to carry weapons in the streets and if they see a Taliban, they shoot him Isn't that awesome? George W. Bush: Yeah. Wait until I bring out my good old Texan Magnum! Those pigs will eat their own brain! Rudy Giuliani: Actually, they can't eat pork. George W. Bush: (confused) What? Rudy Giuliani: The Islamic people aren't allowed to eat pork. It's against their religion. George W. Bush: Whoa, they suck beyond my opinions. I mean, pork is great. Rudy Giuliani: I know. But we have to respect their beliefs. George W. Bush: What? Are you crazy? Talibans must be destroyed! We must erase their species! Rudy Giuliani: Whoa, relax dude. Trust my Knock-a-Taliban plan. I'll get rid of them. (George W. Bush takes out a paper and a pencil and starts writing) Rudy Giuliani: What are you doing? George W. Bush: I'm signing the authorization for your plan. Here it is. (hands the paper to Rudy Giuliani) Rudy Giuliani: Thanks a lot. So this means I could knock a Taliban right here in this restaurant? George W. Bush: Sure. Why don't you give it a try? Rudy Giuliani: There's no Taliban around. (Taliban rushes in the restaurant, holding a machine gun and jumping around) Taliban: Kill the Americans! Destroy capitalism! Allah rules! (Rudy Giuliani takes out a gun and shoots Taliban) Rudy Giuliani: Now that's what I call Knock-a-Taliban! (George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani both laugh) George W. Bush: Yeah! (yelling) Whack 'em all!!!! (howls) Rudy Giuliani: We will conquer terrorism! (both stands on the table) George W. Bush: Don't be afraid, fellow Americans! The United States will stand! We will punish such barbaric acts! America rules!!! (George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani raise their fist in the air) (fade) Rate or review this sketch. |
