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Jordan Davidson.....Seann William Scott Elton John.....Horatio Sanz Brandine.....Ana Gasteyer Bernie Taupin.....Will Ferrell Robert Downey Jr.....Jimmy Fallon (Air Canada Center: October 6, 2001) Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Elton John! (Jordan Davidson, wearing an Elton-ish flamboyant costume and oversized Elton-glasses, staggers to his seat.) Jordan Davidson: Don't start, Sir Elton! I'm not here yet! Sorry I'm late, the guy at the bus station wanted me to take a drug test when he saw my suit. Elton John: Hello, Toronto! It's great to be back in the city where 25 years ago, Kiki Dee and I recorded Don't Go Breaking My Heart! Jordan Davidson: Elton! Elton! ELTON! Elton John: Yes, the young man in the fruity ensemble, do you have a question? Jordan Davidson: Just a correction, Sir Elton. It was technically closer to 25 and a half years, sir. Elton John: Er, thank you. My memory's not that great anymore. Anyway, Kiki's unfortunately not here tonight. Last time I saw her, she was under that rock from which I pulled Robert Downey Jr. so he could be in my video, I Want Love. So what I'd like from the audience is a die hard Elton fan who knows all the words that go with Kiki's part. Anyone, anyone? Jordan Davidson: Oh, pick me, pick me, o venerable Elton! I'm ever so much a great singer and the song is second nature! Pick me, pick me! Elton John: (pointing at a pot-smoking girl) How about you, miss? Brandine: Hot dang! Jordan Davidson: No, not her, me, me! Elton John: Thank you very much, what's your name? Brandine: (in a very over-exaggerated Southern accent) Brandine. Elton John: Thank you, Brandine. Now you're sure you know the song? Jordan Davidson: How could she possibly know the song? There's no indication at all that she even likes Elton! Her voice is awful, she looks a little slow, if you know what I mean, and her T-shirt says "Brooks and Dunn Number One!" Elton John: Well, Brandine, let's get started! Brandine: All right! Yeeeee-hah! (The music starts) Elton John: (singing) Don't go breaking my heart.. Brandine: My baby done me wrong. Jordan Davidson: Those aren't the words! Elton John: Oh honey, if I get restless.. Brandine: My undies are too tight! Elton John: (laughing) She's great.. (singing) Don't go breaking my heart.. Jordan Davidson: (shoving Brandine away from the microphone) You take the weight off of me. (Elton stops playing) Elton John: Now that wasn't nice, lad, she was singing with me! Jordan Davidson: She was completely awful, I can sing that song way better! Elton John: I thought she was doing just fine. Jordan Davidson: She wasn't even getting the words right! Elton John: You raise an interesting point. But these lyrics were amazing. In fact, I'm going to get Brandine to sing another song. Jordan Davidson: What?! Elton John: You heard me. Now Brandine, how would you like to sing Crocodile Rock for the fans? Brandine: Hot dang! (Elton plays the song) Brandine: (singing) I remember when I got high, I saw a rabbit in the sky, then a toaster jumped in my pool, I got electrocuted but it felt real cool.. Elton John: Brilliant! Brandine: Then I laid on the purple grass, and an iguana came out my ass... Jordan Davidson: Oh, come on, that's just nasty! Elton John: (stops playing) I must ask that you not interrupt the talent we all paid to see. Jordan Davidson: Oh, excuse me, I thought we paid to see Elton John. Brandine: Look, bub, I've been singing that song in concert for the past thirty years, and.. Elton John: Now look, it was cute before, but your interruptions will have to stop or the star can't finish her show. Jordan Davidson: (grumbling) Her show.. Elton John: Now, I have one more request. It wouldn't be a concert without this one song. I'd love to hear you sing Your Song. Brandine: Hot dang! (Elton begins to play the melody of "Your Song") Brandine: (completely ignoring the melody): I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady, all you other Slim Shadies are just imitating.. Jordan Davidson: Oh, come on, that's not even original! Elton John: Oh, this is the most magical concert I've ever been a part of. Jordan Davidson: But come on, replacing Your Song with The Real Slim Shady? Elton John: I never would have thought of it myself, it's genius! Excuse me (pulling out cell phone), I have to make a phone call. (dials) Hello, a collect call to England, please. Bernie Taupin: (picking up phone) Hello? Elton John: Hello, Bernie? Bernie Taupin: Elton, shouldn't you be doing your show? Elton John: Yes, about that, Bernie, you know how we've been friends and collaborators for over three decades? Bernie Taupin: Yeah. Elton John: Well, it was all for naught, you're fired. Bernie Taupin: What? But I still have bills to pay on my new house? Where will I live now? (Robert Downey Jr. emerges from backstage) Robert Downey, Jr.: As a matter of fact, I still have a rock for sale, if you don't mind sharing it with Kiki Dee. Bernie Taupin: Hmm.. Sharing a rock with Kiki Dee. Jordan Davidson: I wonder if it's too late to become a U2 fan. [ fade ] Rate or review this sketch. |
