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Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond Christina Aguilera.....Maya Ruldolph Tom Green.....Jimmy Fallon Eminem.....Seann William Scott (Jeopardy music plays) Alex Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. As you know, all of our contestants are playing for charity. Sean Connery has -$65,000. Christina Aguilera has -$395. And in a commanding lead, Tom Green with 15 cents. Tom Green: My bum is on the podium! My bum is on the podium! I eat lots of sodium! My bum is on the podium! Alex Trebek: Thank you, Mr. Green. It's time for Doubl.... (Tom Green walks over and puts his bum on Alex Trebek) Tom Green: My bum is on Trebek! My bum is on Trebek! My favorite movie is Shrek! My bum is on Trebek! (Alex Trebek pushes Tom Green away and Tom Green goes back to his podium) Alex Trebek: As I was saying, The categories are "Potent Potables", "Best Assets", "Shapes and Sizes", "3 + 3", "Say Your Own Name", "True or False", and finally "Famous Disney Chipmunks" And the answer to every question in THAT category is Chip & Dale. Tom Green: Hey! Speaking of chipmunks.....(pulls out a dead chipmunk) Christina Aguilera: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Sean Connery: Very interesting, laddy. May I see that thing for a minute? (Tom Green hands dead chipmunk to Sean Connery who throws it at Alex Trebek who screams like a girl) Sean Connery: Ah-HA! I told you he screams like a girl. (laughing) Alex Trebek: Let's just go with "3 + 3" for $400. And the answer is "3 + 3 = ?" (Christina buzzes in) Alex Trebek: Ms. Aguilera? Christina Aguilera: I have no idea. Alex Trebek: Wha? Then why did you buzz in? Christina Aguilera: Because it's fun. (buzzes in repeatedly) Alex Trebek: Okay, stop that! Tom Green: My bum is on the buzzer! My bum is on the buzzer! The buzzy buzzy buzzer! My bum is on the buzzer! Sean Connery: Back in my days, we used to put our bums on twigs and sticks and my brother got a splinter in his bum. Alex Trebek: The answer was six. Mr. Connery, please choose. Sean Connery: Don't mind if I do, you fruit-filled ucker-fay! I'll take "Best Asses" for $1,000. Alex Trebek: That's "Best Assets", Mr. Connery. (Connery buzzes in) Sean Connery: Jennifer Lopez! (Aguilera buzzes) Christina Aguilera: Mine! Alex Trebek: For the last time, it's "ASSETS"! (Green buzzes in and pulls out some grass) Tom Green: This is my ass. This is grass. Ass, grass, grass, ass. I like to put my ass on the grass. I like to grass on my ass............ Alex Trebek: Please, Mr. Green. Just shut up! Tell you what. Let's just go to Final Jeopardy. The category is...........You know what? Why don't we just forget the question. All you have to do to win is write down your favorite color. (music plays) We'll accept any color at all. If you like red, write down red. You can even lie to me if you want. It's THAT simple. There's no way you can screw this up. (music ends) And now let's see how they screwed it up. Sean Connery wrote down, (screen shows a picture of Alex Trebek screaming while dressed as a little girl.) Okay. That was uncalled for. Sean Connery: A little flashback of mine. A great memory, it was. (laughing) Alex Trebek: Whatever. Christina Aguilera, let's see what your answer was. (screen shows a picture of an orange) You drew a picture of an orange. Christina Aguilera: Well, orange is a color, isn't it? Alex Trebek: Well, I'll tell you what. Despite your learning disabilities, we'll accept that as a correct answer. And you wagered (screen shows "Britney Spears Sux!") Britney Spears Sux. Christina Aguilera: One day, I'll win that award for Best Female Pop Artist. You'll see. Alex Trebek: That's nice. Let's go to Tom Green who appears to have a dead squirrel in his mouth. Let's see what you got. (screen shows "Purplue.") Purplue. Combination of Purple and Blue. And you wagered (wager shows "Kitty Poo") Kitty Poo. Tom Green: (mumbling because of the squirrel in his mouth) Alex Trebek: I'm sorry? Tom Green: (mumbling some more) Alex Trebek: I can't understand a word you're saying. (Sean Connery walks over and slaps Tom Green's back sending the squirrel flying out of his mouth) Sean Connery: P.U., laddy! You have very bad squirrel breath. Alex Trebek: Now what were you trying to say, Mr. Green? Tom Green: I was saying............. (Eminem appears driving a car and runs over Alex Trebek.) Tom Green: I was saying "Oncoming Car." Eminem: Why didn't you move out of the way, you FRUIT?! Hey, guys. I'm going up to see the Purple Hills. Wanna ride? Sean Connery: I get shot gun! Christina Aguilera: Can we stop by JCPenney's along the way? Tom Green: Hills, hills, the hills that kill! Hills, hills, I took some pills! Hills, hills, the arctic chills....... (Eminem drives off with Sean Connery, Christina Aguilera, and Tom Green.) Alex Trebek: So long from Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm going to cue for a taxi to take me home. Good night. (walks away with a stiff back. Music plays) Rate or review this sketch. |
