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Mindy.....Drew Barrymore Jasper.....Jimmy Fallon [Scene: Table with two stool-type chairs presumably at a roller skating arena. Couple come off floor and enter scene on skates. Mindy is wearing a raspberry beret...u know 'that kind u find at a second hand store'.] Mindy: Whoa! I can't believe it! Jasper: You were great out there! Mindy: You know that was my first time. Jasper: I'll bet you say that to all the guys. Mindy: Oh Jasper, don't get naughty on me now. Jasper: I'm sorry. I should slap myself for that...unless u want to do it? Mindy: Alright, u're creeping me out again with that.. Jasper. Oh, sorry. Ahem. Anyways, I got you something to mark our third week of going out. Mindy: Omigosh, I totally forgot! What did u get me? Jasper: This.[kisses her] Mindy: That's sweet. Jasper: Actually, I got it at a 2 for 1 sale. Mindy: Damn u're naughty!!! KISS ME![The couple kiss. Jasper opens one eye and moves his hand towards her beret.]. Hey, what do you think u're doing? Jasper: What do u mean? Mindy: Were you trying to take off my hat? Jasper: Me? No... Mindy: JASPER! I don't like it when u're the lying kind of naughty... Jasper: Fine. Yes, I was trying to take off your hat. I've never seen you without it. It's driving me nuts. Even in pictures I've seen you're always wearing that hat. People don't ask me 'Have you seen her boobies?'. No they ask me 'have you seen her head?'...and by that they mean your hair. Mindy: I've already explained about that. I have a condition. I was bald until I was in my teens and I've always worn a beret so no one would laugh at me. Jasper: I understand that but u're in college now for goodness sakes. It's time to be yourself and stop caring what other people think. I don't care if your hair is all patchy or if it's thin or if it's green and I don't even care if u're still bald, I love you baby. Please take off the hat...[Mindy takes off beret to reveal long curly black wire like hairs sticking out in all directions.] WHOA! What's up with that?? It looks like... Mindy: It's...it's down there hair. Instead of being down there...it's up here. Jasper: What? How? Mindy: Well, back in the late 70's a group known as ACE, the American Coaster Enthusiasts, started up and as a publicity stunt they rode a coaster for 7 straight days. My dad saw them on TV and he became obsessed with joining them on their next ride. Not only that but he asked my mom to marry him and asked if it would be cool with her to have the ceremony on the coaster. My mom agreed. However,my mom was 8 months pregnant by the time the next event came along. Not wanting to disappoint my dad she kept the pregnancy a secret and went on the ride anyways. Jasper: Hold on, how could she keep being 8 months pregnant a secret? Mindy: By wearing baggy clothing and standing behind couches when she was talking to him. Jasper: Ah, makes sense. Mindy: The doctor's say that because of the constant roller coasting action I developed a rare condition known as Sinusoidal Corpus Dislocation or Dizzy D.N.A.. He said I was lucky and that it could have been much worse.[Wipes tears from her eyes.] Jasper: That's crazy! Dizzy D.N.A.? Please. Mindy: Don't believe me? Look at this![Lifts up back of dress to reveal butt covered in long flowing blond hair.] Jasper: AYE CARAMBA! Your down there hair went up there...and your up there hair came back here! But wait, I've seen you in shorts? Mindy: I had it up in a bun. Jasper: A bun bum? No wonder your butt felt so soft when I grabbed it. Mindy: You felt my butt? You're so naughty![waits for kiss]. Aren't you gonna kiss me? Jasper: Sure...sure I will. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna kiss you on your beautiful head. Just give me a second...[reluctantly puts hand through her hair then kisses her head with a grossed out expression.] Mindy: Jasper? Jasper: Hold on I think I got a hair in my mouth.[begins hacking and trying to pull hair off tongue.] Mindy: You hate me now. Jasper: No, I love you but there must be a way to undizzy your D.N.A.. Wait, that rhymed. Let me write that down in my lyrical notepad.[pulls notepad out of back pocket and begins writing stuff.] There's a future number 1. Where was I? Mindy: You were talking about undizzying my D.N.A.. Jasper: That's it! Come with me![exit Jasper and Mindy] [cut to scenes of roller coasters and then to text that reads 'One week later'] [enter Mindy and Jasper into original scene still wearing roller skates.] Jasper: PHEW! That was crazy! Hey, how did we get back here? Mindy: [now with long flowing blond hair.] Who cares! Look at my beautiful hair! Oh Jasper, and I have you to thank! Jasper: Your smile is all the thanks I need. Mindy: But I have a present for you... Jasper: [coyly] Oh really? Mindy: My hat![places it on Jasper's head.] Jasper: [dissapointed] Oh. Mindy: And this. [Mindy kisses Jasper. As kiss continues and becomes more passionate camera zooms in on couple's faces and Jasper's hat begins to rise as though being pushed upwards by some kind of finger-like projection. wink wink, nudge nudge.] [fade out to 'Roller Coaster of Love'] Rate or review this sketch. |
