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Babyface.....Chris Kattan Legs.....Tracy Morgan Rosie.....Drew Barrymore Satan.....Will Ferrell Adolf Hitler.....Jeff Richards Jewish Woman.....Ana Gasteyer Jesse James.....Darrell Hammond Abraham Lincoln.....Seth Meyers Ghandi.....Dean Edwards (A close up on two bank robbers sleeping as they wake up) Babyface: Hey, Legs, where are we? Legs: I dunno, Babyface. All I remember is the cop yelling "Stop or I'll shoot," and then.. Oh God. Babyface: What? Legs: You don't think we're dead, do you? Babyface: Do you think we've gone to Hell? (They turn to see what appears to be the gates of Hell, but mysteriously there are some unexpected things on the other side, such as hanggliders, luaus, ferris wheels and such) Legs: This can't be Hell. It looks like a bloody amusement park. (On of Satan's angels shows up at the gate) Angel: Greetings, gentlemen, I am your angel for today, my name is Rosie. Babyface: Er, Rosie, are you sure we're in the right place? Rosie: You're here to see Satan, right? Babyface: Yeah, that's it. Legs: But what's with all the fun crap? We never pictured this place like this. Rosie: Oh, those. Well, frankly Satan's been under a lot of stress lately. He's been burning souls since the dawn of time, and it's just not doing the same things for him. So he's made a few changes around here. Babyface: So wait? Satan's having some sort of mid-life crisis, so he goes and makes all these changes around Hell? Rosie: Oh, indeed. But we don't use that name anymore. From now on, gentlemen, you live in... Heck. Legs: Heck? Rosie: Yeah, isn't it great? Now everyone can enjoy it. Satan should be here any minute to show you around. Legs: He shows us around? Doesn't he burn us or something? Rosie: That was Hell. This is Heck. (Satan shows up) Satan: Good evening, folks. Welcome to Heck. Are you ready to be eternally darned? Legs & Babyface: (stunned) Darned?! Satan: Yeah, I got tired of the whole damnation thing. Babyface: So if damnation is being eternally cursed, what exactly is, um... darn-nation? Satan: Well, where as damnation focused mainly on pain and suffering, darnation is pretty much just based on funny practical jokes and stuff like that. Babyface: Man, I don't believe the same Satan I never read about in the Bible would resort to crap like that. Satan: Oh really? Check your feet. (Babyface looks down to see a lit match between his toes and promptly leaps into the air screaming) Satan: HAHAHAHA! Look how high he jumped! That was hilarious! (Legs is laughing too) Babyface: You'd better stop laughing before I whack you all over again. Satan: Oh, come on, show a little bit of the spirit of Heck. Legs: Man, this place looks pretty cool. Satan: Oh, it is. But don't take my word for it. Ask some people who've spent some time here. Adolf Hitler: I never had so much fun since I slaughtered a bunch of Jews. Now I can just play jokes on them! Hey, Jew, pull my finger! Jewish Woman: Okay. (pulls Hitler's finger, a fart sound emerges, and they both laugh hysterically) Jesse James: This is the absolute coolest place I've ever been to. Hey (pointing a gun at Legs) freeze! (Legs puts his hands in the air) Jesse James: (squirts Legs with water) Haha! Man, that was cool. Abraham Lincoln: Man, do I love Heck. Babyface: Abraham Lincoln? Legs: We had no idea you were condemned here! Abraham Lincoln: Oh, I wasn't. But once I found out how fun it was down here, I had to check it out! Hey, Ghandi, let's go on the rollercoaster again! Ghandi: (running behind Lincoln) I won't get sick! I haven't eaten in four months! Legs: Hey Satan? Satan: Yeah? Legs: Why did you really do all this? Satan: You want the truth? Babyface: It'd be nice, yeah. Satan: Well, the truth is, I've been under a lot of stress lately because, I haven't seen my father in four million years. He never writes, he never calls, I don't think he even knows I exist. I'd just like him to come down here to live, and spend some time with me. I thought maybe if I made this seem like a better place, he'd finally come down here willingly. Legs: Wow, Satan, I had no idea. Satan: That's okay, guys. Rosie, do you think you could try calling him again? Rosie: Sure thing, Satan. (dials on the phone) Hello, Mr. Jagger? Is your friend Keith there? It's about his son.. Rate or review this sketch. |
