Pitchman.....Seth Meyers
Traumatized Suburban Mother.....Gwyneth Paltrow
Effie.....Tina Fey
[ Open on: Therapist's office-day ]
Pitchman: So, tell me again how this happened.
Traumatized Suburban Mother: I had called home to tell my maid Estelle to collar the children so that they don't get into their birthday presents.
Effie: No, you lie. You told me to de-flower the children.
Traumatized Suburban Mother: Why would I tell my own maid to molest my children! Really!
Pitchman: Calm down, calm down.
Motions to kids (Rachel Dratch and Jimmy Fallon, both nervous)
Pitchman: Children, children, do you think that this was because of a bad phone connection?
Kids: (scared) Yes!
Announcer: New Sprint Wireless 1,000. To prevent moments like this.
(Pitchman exits therapy office)
Pitchman: Sure, it's too late for them, but it's not for you.
(Fade out on Effie, mom and kids all arguing with each other)
Announcer: Sprint. The phone company of child molesters.
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