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Skit 4 All you can eat buffet Ext.-(Burnadette outside of a city hall plowing through to get her ticket for the buffet. Bumping people out of the way with her big ass, in a rush to be the first one there to eat.) Int.-(inside a gym like area, with all kinds of tables lined up with hot and cold foods. Food servers and cooks around to help with the large feeding.) Characters *Burnadette (Dressed in a sweat shirt, with the sleaves cut off at the shoulder's, and a V cut down to the middle show some cleavage, Hair off to one side, like she has a bed head, and of course wearing her spandex. Just jumped up from a sleep, and ran to the Buffet) *Buffet tables with various *Food servers(1-3) working. Burnadette: (Waiting at the ticket booth, Burnadette pops out her tooth, as she is waiting to get in for the feasting. Fondling her breasts, noticing that she had no pockets for her tooth. She bends over, knocking an old mans walker right out from under him, he hits the floor and starts to quiver. She doesn't notice this, as she drops her tooth into her sweaty shoe (no socks on). When she gets up, notices that there is a space in front of her now,(where the old man was) and she hussles for a ticket.) (Now plowing in through the door, nearly knocking down an elderly lady, with her ticket in hand) Outta my way ye' ole battle axed blue hair, fore I rebrake that plastic hip a' yers. You decrepit wrinkled hag! The Buffet Line Burnadette: (Right away at the first table, she see's a cute food server. So she asks him with her crocodile smile) Why doan' cha come on over to my love nest sometime and cook for me, you sweet cheaked, juicy little peach? (She then reaches out with her hand to pinch at one of his cheeks) Server 1: (he quickly moves back from her, scared to death, spilling the vegetables he was serving to her, while some managed to fall off the spoon and onto the table) Burnadette: (grabbing at one of the baby carrots that fell from the spoon, and gestures to him, moving it in and out of her mouth) MMM! Server 1: (with his eyes nearly popping out of his head, he rips his apron off... says to another server, as if he just saw the walking dead) I'm taking my break now! Burnadette: But we just got start... (a little late as server 1 had vanished) Burnadette: (walking up to the next table covered in fresh fruit, and another young victim, as she rubs her fingertips over her breasts) What do you think about these Honey Dew Melons? Their Nice and ripe. Would ya like to sample some of the produce here?. Do ya Like? Huh? Do ya? Server 2: (Being very polite, the young man replies) No thank you. Though, I like both fruits and vegetable very much. As a matter of fact, I am a Vegan. Burnadette: (with a crooked stare) A WHAT? Server 2: A vegetarian Miss. A Vegetarian that doesn't eat meat what-so-ever or any Dairy products either. Burnadette: (laughing now thinking he's flirting) Oh. I gotcha. I 'LOVE' MEAT! Let me tell ya. And the Milk. I just guzzle it all right down I do. Don't miss a drop of it. (now giving him a 'wink-wink') Server 2: (getting the picture but not letting on that he did, he told her, and pointed in the direction to the other end of the buffet) The meat section is at the other end of the buffet. Burnadette: O.K. my little vegetable Beef cake. (rushing off to the roast beef area) Mmmm!, lots of beef... Show me the meat baby. Let me at it! ( mumbling on the way) MAN MEAT, MAN MEAT, MAN MEAT... ( when she makes it to the end of the buffet she barks out loud) So your the one with alot of meat eh! Server 3: (the carver is still looking down working at the roast) That's right Miss, (and as he looks up, he freaks at the site of who or what he sees, lopping off his thumb, leaving him with a blood squirting stump. His eyes popping open at the site of what has happened to his thumb now. He shreek's from shock and fright. A few servers come to his rescue with aprons, to slow the bleeding, and rush him to the hospital) Burnadette: (helps herself now to a table people are just leaving with plates, to get up for seconds at the buffet table. Some food still on the table with their drinks. Burnadette now wolfs down food. As the people are returning to their food and drinks, Burnadette now growls at them as they attempt this, and they quickly rush off from the area.) Burnadette: (Now heads back to the buffet again as all the food, including what the people had left are empty. This continues, the wolfing down of food, from returns to the buffet, till they try to close) Many servers: (trying to close down the buffet, trying to tell Burnadette that it's that time. She stomps her feet, slats and slams in a mad rage.) Burnadette: I want my money back! I didn't get all I can eat, like the sign out front says! I'll sue you, You Bastards! False Advertizement! False Advertizement! Many servers: (Throwing money at her to get rid of her. Some even breaking out their own wallets, just to get her out of there.) Burnadette: (Now smiling, a huge mile, with a toothpick in that gap, as she waddles her way out of the gym/hall.) Rate or review this sketch. |
