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EXT. TRENCH DURING WAR - EVENING EXPLOSIONS in the background. We see the GENERAL looking through binoculars and a SOLDIER shooting at the enemy. An enemy gunshot blows the soldier's helmet off. SOLDIER Oh no. They blew my helmet off. GENERAL Well, put it back on. SOLDIER I can't find it. GENERAL Well, put something on. The soldier puts on a witches hat. GENERAL What the hell is that? SOLIDER It's a gun. GENERAL No. What's that on your head? SOLDIER Oh, it's my Halloween witches hat. GENERAL Well, get it off. SOLDIER But you said... GENERAL Just put another hat on. The soldier takes the witches hat off and puts on a top hat. No sooner does a gunshot blow his top hat off. SOLDIER Oh dear. That wasn't even mine. GENERAL What are you doing? I thought I told you to put another hat on. SOLIDER Yes, sir. The soldier goes behind the trench to where we can't see him. He pulls back up in a huge over-sized bonnet. GENERAL What the...? Are you crazy? Get that thing off! He yanks it off his head. GENERAL (CONT'D) You can't find your soldier's helmet? SOLDIER No. GENERAL Well, here. Put this on. The general puts a LA Lakers cap on his head. SOLDIER I hate the Lakers. GENERAL All right, here. He puts a Sacramento Kings cap on his head instead. SOLDIER That's better. GENERAL Now, come on! Get ready to shoot! Ready? SOLDIER Ready, sir. GENERAL 1, 2, 3, Fire! The general explodes. SOLDIER Wholly smokes! SOLDIER 2 comes running up. SOLDIER 2 What's going on? I saw an explosion. SOLDIER The general just sort of blew up. SOLIDER 2 How'd that happen? SOLDIER Beats me. He just said "fire" and... The soldier explodes. SOLDIER 3 comes up. SOLIDER 3 Has anybody seen my top hat? SOLDIER 2 Johnson, Johnson. Our troops are exploding! SOLDIER 3 What? SOLDIER 2 It happens when anyone says the word "fire". Soldier 2 explodes. SOLIDER 3 Well, I'm not going to say "fire". Oop! Soldier 3 explodes. BLACK OUT. Rate or review this sketch. |
