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| .....Derek Jeter> Babe Ruth.....Horatio Sanz Derek Jeter: Yeah! Woo! I am so thrilled to be hosting Saturday Night Live. Of course, you all know me as the shortstop for the New York Yankees, who have played in four straight World Series, and five in the last six years! (applause) And after winning all of those World Series, we fell a little bit short this year, losing in the final inning of Game 7 to the Arizona Diamondbacks. But hey, don't feel sorry for us, I have a ring on each finger of my left hand, all of which unfortunately I was wearing when Mariano Rivera was throwing me that bunted ball in the bottom of the ninth. But enough about that. Next year it'll be a lot tougher, though, with a bunch of our key players set to be free agents, and of course, the retirement of our right fielder, Paul O'Neill. We still don't know who's gonna replace him, and frankly, I don't know if we can find anyone good enough. Babe Ruth (offstage): (in a booming voice) Derek Jeter! Derek Jeter: Who said that? Babe (o.s.): It is I, the Sultan of Swat! Derek Jeter: Osama bin Laden? Babe Ruth: (entering) No! But good guess. It is I, Babe Ruth! Derek Jeter: Babe Ruth? But aren't you dead? Babe Ruth: Not even the grave can contain Babe Ruth! (normal voice) Er, I'm so heavy that sometimes I fall through the clouds. Derek Jeter: What are you doing here? Babe Ruth: You say the Yankees need a right fielder? Derek Jeter: Why, yes. Babe Ruth: Then I, Babe Ruth, am the man for the job! Derek Jeter: You? Babe Ruth: Yes, well, if these modern sports stars like Michael Jordan and Mario Lemieux can receive the reception they have after returning from retirement, surely the return of Babe Ruth will be a joyous event for all. Derek Jeter: Yes, but to be fair, Michael Jordan and Mario Lemieux aren't 106 years old and haven't been dead for 53 years! Babe Ruth: Oh, you'd be surprised. My manager up in heaven tells me I play like I've been dead for only 48 years. Derek Jeter: And even when you were alive; sure, you were an amazing home run hitter, but weren't you like one of the worst fielders ever? Babe Ruth: Let me ask you this, Jeter. Are YOU in the Hall of Fame? Derek Jeter: Well, it's my understanding you have to be retired. So, er, Babe.. can I call you Babe? Babe Ruth: Hee hee hee, Derek Jeter called me a babe. Derek Jeter: Anyway, er.. Why do you want to come back to baseball? Babe Ruth: Are you kidding? Baseball needs me. Since that Cecil Fielder fella retired you've needed a fat guy to poke fun of and call "Free Willy" and stuff like that. Um, all these teams around the league need more sellouts. Derek Jeter: Come on, what's the real reason? Babe Ruth: Okay. Since I've been gone all my records have been suffering. Hank Aaron passes my career home run total, Roger Maris, Mark McGwire pass my single season record. As soon as Barry Bonds hit 73, that was it. I knew I needed all these records back. And also, I love the game, is that so wrong? Derek Jeter: Okay, I guess I can respect that. You know, it's cool that you've remained so loyal to the Yankees. I mean, this whole group of people who've played for nobody but the Yankees is pretty damn cool. Mickey Mantle, Joe Dimaggio, Lou Gehrig.. and you. Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth: Derek, er, I hate to rain on your parade, but I played for the Red Sox my first six seasons. Derek Jeter: You played for the Red Sox? Babe Ruth: For only six years. Closer to five and a half, really. Derek Jeter: Get out. Babe Ruth: But, I... Derek Jeter: Get out. Babe Ruth: Fine. Tell Steinbrenner I'm still very interested in the comeback. Derek Jeter: Yeah, sure, why don't you come back when Nomar Garciaparra hosts the show? Babe Ruth: Derek.. Derek Jeter: Go away. Say hi to the Big Green Monster for me. And by that I mean you when you look in the mirror. (The Babe turns to walk away) Derek Jeter: Listen, we have a great show, Shakira is here, Bubba Sparxxx is here... Babe Ruth: What'd you call me? Derek Jeter: (ignoring him) Stick around, we'll be right back. Rate or review this sketch. |
