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| Bob Barker.....Steve Martin Garry Shandling.....Jeff Richards Rod Roddy.....Darrell Hammond Tiger Woods.....Derek Jeter Robin Williams.....Jimmy Fallon Rosie O'Donnell.....Rachel Dratch [ return from commercial to "The Celebrity Price Is Right" stage ] Bob Barker: We are back - thank you. Back on "The Celebrity Price Is Right". Just before the commercial, I was talking with Garry Shandling about our last item up for bid, right, Garry? Garry Shandling: Yeah, I was saying.. it was a StairMaster. And I have a big ass, I could use one of those. But I didn't win it, and my teeth look big, and my life's just a great big mess. Bob Barker: Well, maybe you'll do better this round. Garry Shandling: I want to run up those steps, it would be the most exercise my ass gets all week. Bob Barker: Alright, Garry. Rod Roddy? Rod Roddy: Yes, Bob! Bob Barker: We have an empty space on Contestant's Row, perhaps we can fill it. Rod Roddy: Perhaps we can, Bob. Tiger Woods, come on down! You're our next contestant on "The Celebrity Price Is Right"! [ music plays, Tiger Woods runs down to Contestant's Row ] Bob Barker: Welcome, Tiger. Now, let's take a look at our next item up for bid. [ an image of a sailboat bounces across the screen ] Rod Roddy: A wonderful sailboat! [ audience goes wild ] Escape makes sailboats for the rest of us. Just match the colors on the self-teaching system to sail. The Salsa is a family-sized boat for on-the-water fun, from Escape Sailboat Co. And to the winner of the sailboat goes a supply of.. eggs! News from Eggland's Best. You can include eggs in your cholestoral-conscious diet as long as you eat them in place of more fatty foods. Try Eggland's Best! Bob Barker: Tiger Woods, you get to bid first. Tiger Woods: [ thinking ] $60,000! [ with too many digits for the prompt to read, screen shows "60K" ] Bob Barker: $60,000? Okay. Garry? Garry Shandling: I don't know.. $70,000. Bob Barker: Seems high. Robin Williams? Robin Williams: [ manic ] We're bidding on a sailboat - the surf is rolling in! What's a peasant to do! Mountain Dew! Do the Dew! Be the ball! Do I hear $75,000! Bob Barker: Finally. And.. Rosie O'Donnell? Rosie O'Donnell: I'm gonna swing in the opposite direction. $55,000. Bob Barker: Seems more reasonable. Actual retail price.. [ overbid buzzer sounds ] You've all overbid. Price of the sailboat is lower than $55,000. Tiger? Tiger Woods: $54,000. Bob Barker: Garry? Garry Shandling: Is $50,000 too high? Bob Barker: It's fine with me. Robin? Robin Williams: Fine with me! Sir, you've parked in a handicapped zone, that's a $45,000 fine! Bob Barker: $45,000? Okay. Rosie? Rosie O'Donnell: $48,500. Bob Barker: Alright, actual retail price.. [ exact bid buzzer sounds ] Oh, that sound means one of you has bid the exact price of the sailboat! [ pause ] No, I'm just kidding. You've actually all overbid. Rod Roddy: The show's only an hour, Bob. Bob Barker: What's that, Rod? Rod Roddy: The show's only an hour, Bob. Bob Barker: Well, Rod, tell us - which celebrity has overbid the closest to the actual retail price? Rod Roddy: Actual retail price, Bob - U.S. $1,199, Rosie O'Donnell, come on down! [ an excited Rosie O'Donnell runs up to the top of the stage and kisses Bob on the cheek ] Bob Barker: Alright, Rosie, you're going to have a chance to win an exciting price when you play.. The Clock Game! Rosie O'Donnell: I'm.. slightly familiar with that game. Bob Barker: Well, it's fairly simple. Rod's going to describe the prize, and you're going to guess the exact price of that prize. If you guess incorrectly, I'll inform you as to whether or not you need to guess higher or lower. Rod, what prize will Rosie be playing for? Rod Roddy: Bob, it's a Panasonic DVD-LV60 portable DVD/CD player with speaker and headphones. The ultra-compact, ultra-light way to enjoy more of your digital discs on the go, from Panasonic. Rosie O'Donnell: With headphones? Great! Bob Barker: Yeah, they should be big enough for your head. Rosie O'Donnell: You're saying I have a big head? What about you, with your holier-than-thou animal neutering? Bob Barker: Well, at least I don't adopt other people's children and call them my own. Rosie O'Donnell: You're making me mad, old man! Bob Barker: How about we quit talking, and just start the game? The audience at home knows the price of this portable DVD player. [ SUPER: "$599" ] Now, it's up to you to guess the price in 30 seconds. I'll let you know if you need to go higher or lower. Are you ready? [ 30-second clock appears on screen ] And.. go! Rosie O'Donnell: $40,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $35,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $30,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $25,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $20,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $19,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $18,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $17,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $16,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $15,000! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,500! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,400! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,300! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,200! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,200! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,190! Bob Barker: Lower. Rosie O'Donnell: $14,180! [ out-of-time buzzer sounds ] Bob Barker: Oh-h-h-h.. Rosie, I'm sorry. The price was $599. Rosie O'Donnell: That low?! Where are you buying this crap, in Texas? Bob Barker: This is quality merchandise, we found it on the Internet. Rosie O'Donnell: Oh, screw this! I can buy my own high-quality DVD player for $40,000 with all the money I've made from my magazine! [ storms off the set ] Bob Barker: Well, so be it. [ points finger at audience ] But don't you go away, because we'll be right back with our Bonus Round! [ music sweep to fade ] Rate or review this sketch. |
