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Pussy Galore.....Ana Gasteyer The Beaver.....Darrell Hammond Fluffy.....Amy Poehler .....Hugh Jackman [Cheesy Intro: Text reads The Beaver and Pussy Show. Music plays 'A blast from the past, come on in, it's the Beaver and Pussy Shooow.] [Scene: Generic talk show set. The Beaver and Pussy Galore sit on a couch adjacent to an empty chair. There is a laptop sitting on a coffee table infront of the Beaver.] The Beaver: Hello everyone and welcome to the show. I'm Jerry Mathers but u people probably know me best as TV's The Beaver. In an attempt to bring you the fans something new and exciting Fox has teamed me up with the fabulous actress Honor Blackman, who fans might remember best from the 1964 film 'Goldfinger' where she played the role of femme fatale Pussy Galore. [Fans cheer, Pussy Galore waves to the audience.] Pussy Galore: Thank you. It's great to have me here. The Beaver: We like to think of ourselves as the retro-coolest thing on TV. Now Ms. Blackman, I know u've done a great deal of acting and Pussy Galore was only one small part of your career but u have to admit it was an unforgetable character. Pussy Galore: Yes it was. And u can call me Pussy. I've come to accept that here in America I'll forever by known as Pussy Galore. And from the response we've been getting on our web site it appears that u Yanks can't wait to see Pussy again! If it's Pussy they want, it's Pussy they'll get! The Beaver: Thanks for being such a good sport Ms...Pussy. U see audience we've harnessed the incredible power of the internet, thank u Al Gore wherever u are, to bring u exactly what u want to see. What u're seeing has been totally designed by our internet fans. In fact that's how we named our show. We gave the fans some guidlines and asked them to come up with a name that appealed to them. When all the voting was done The Beaver and Pussy show was the clear winner. I believe that The Blackman and Beaver Show was a close second. Pussy Galore: Mmm yes. I know that's the one I voted for. The Beaver: Really? Pussy Galore: Of course. It gave me top billing. Ahh but Pussy isn't bitter Beaver. [they share a laugh] I wonder though if Pussy could take a moment to plug herself? The Beaver: Ah gee Pussy, u don't have to ask go right ahead! Pussy Galore: Yes, well I'll be staring all next week in my one woman play 'Great women of the the ages who wish they were Honor Blackman.". From Cleopatra to Queen Victoria, hear how they all wish they could be more like Pussy. Check our website for times and places. The Beaver: U can find that info at www.fox.com\thebeaverandpussyshow\seepussylive. Well since this show is about the fans we should get to some e-mail here. [reading from laptop] Okay, Justin T. writes 'Wow, this show sounds awesome! Please, please I've never seen Pussy before, can u please show a closeup?' Pussy Galore: Oh my. I'm very flattered. Not surprised of course. Alright zoom in.[camera zooms in to tight shot of Pussy Galore's face. Hold shot] Now be careful Justin u don't want to go blind dear. The Beaver: What do u mean Pussy? Pussy Galore: Well he's probably sitting right close to the TV in order to marvel at Pussy. Sit back damn u, u'll wreck your eyes! [View returns to wide shot] The Beaver: Gee Pussy, u're swell. We care so much about u fans. Well on to our next e-mail. Gene S. writes 'I'd like to see Pussy being licked.'. Well it's a crazy request but when it comes to making the fans happy we're ready to get a little crazy! [Tight shot of Pussy Galores face. A Dachshund appears, apparently being held by The Beaver and begins licking her.] Pussy Galore: Not on the lips! Alright get him off me. [shot returns to normal set view.] The Beaver: Gee, Pussy u're a good sport. We'll get Wiener's handler out here. Fluffy could you come get Wiener please?[Enter Fluffy.] Thanks, hey have a seat for a second.[Fluffy shakes hands with The Beaver and Pussy Galore before sitting down.] Fluffy? That's an unusual name. Fluffy: It's uh, kind of like a nickname I picked up. The Beaver: [nods] Like Beaver. Fluffy: It's okay. It's not my first choice of course. [giggles while stroking the Dachshund. The Beaver appears puzzled.] Ohhh, right Fluffy is a nickname like Beaver, right. The Beaver: Yeah. [shrugs] So Fluffy, tell me, how long have u been handling Wiener? Fluffy: For about 5 years now. I've worked on some movies that sort of thing. Now I'm here working with Wiener[lifts the dog and giggles] full time. Not exactly what I expected when I answered the ad but I am having a blast. The Beaver: We're happy u two took a break from Hollywood so that Wiener could become the official mascot for The Beaver and Pussy Show. Aww, look at him all stretched out there. I think Wiener wants a belly rub. Fluffy: Yeah.[aggressively] You like that don't you! Yeah u like it! The Beaver: That's great. A big hand for Fluffy and Wiener![exit Fluffy and Wiener.] Pussy Galore: If u ask Pussy, that girls a bit thick. One hell of a grip though. The Beaver: [nods] Well it's time to bring out our next guest. You alright Pussy? Pussy Galore: That beast left Pussy with a face full of slober a lap full of hair and an overwhelming sense of embarasment. Had I gotten bit it would have been my date with Marv Albert all over again! The Beaver: Aww c'mon don't be a sour puss. Ha ha, boy Pussy u really opened yourself up for that one. Well maybe this will cheer u up. Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome the star of the up and coming blockbuster Kate and Leopold, Austrailian super hunk Hugh Jackman. Pussy Galore: Superhunk? Now u've got Pussy's juices flowing again! [Enter Hugh Jackman looking puzzled.] Pussy Galore: Sit down darling. Hugh Jackman: Thank u Ms. Blackman. Pussy Galore: Call me Pussy. Hugh Jackman: Right. The Beaver: I'm the Beaver. Hugh Jackman: I know. Pussy Galore: Oh Hugh. I can't tell u how good it is to have an Aussie stud like yourself on the show. The Beaver: Ah gee Pussy, cool down, this is a family show after all. Hugh Jackman: It is? The Beaver: Of course, that's why we try and keep it clean. But u can't blame Pussy for getting a little hot. I mean the entire country is crazy about you. Hugh Jackman: Is that so. The Beaver: Yes. I've spent hours in the chatroom on our website and after spending some time describing myself, geez those net folk are curious, I ask what people would like to see on the show. Of course the majority ask for Pussy. Pussy Galore: They're obsessed. The Yanks are obsessed with Pussy! The Beaver: But a great number of fans say 'How about seeing Hugh Jackman!' or 'I want to see Hugh Jackman!'. Hugh Jackman: [skeptical] Really. The Beaver: Absolutely. Of course I was a bit confused at first cause instead of writing Hugh they would just type in U for short. Hugh Jackman: Ahh riiight...and then they'd type my last name as two seperate words? The Beaver: Exactly! I take it u get that alot? Hugh Jackman: No never. Look I don't think u guys fully realize what's going on here... Pussy Galore: I do. Hugh Jackman: U do? Pussy Galore: Yes. This whole thing is becoming a drag. All this chat has drained Pussy. Hugh go wait in my trailer. Beaver, wrap it up.[exit Hugh Jackman.] The Beaver: Uh alright, thanks for tuning in. I'd like to thank Fluffy, Wiener and Hugh Jackman. Join us tomorrow when our guests will be Dick Butkus with musical guests The Strokes. And hey be sure to tune in next week when by overwhelming request it will be All Teen Week here at The Beaver and Pussy Show. I believe we have Kirsten Dunst scheduled for Monday's show.[She's the only teen babe I could think of. Britney's twenty now u know. Happy Birthday Britney!] Pussy Galore: Excellent. I think that is so fabulous that the people want to see new up and coming talent get a chance in the spotlight. Bless your hearts America. Bless your hearts. The Beaver: It gives us all hope for the future. Well, for Pussy I'm The Beaver, thanks to everyone here for coming and hope u had a good time watching from home. Goodbye. [fade out to 'Over There'] Rate or review this sketch. |
