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Keanu Reeves... Seth Myers Jim... Jimmy Fallon Michelle... Maya Rudolph The Grinch... Will Ferrell Cindy Lou Who... Amy Poehler Martha Stewart... Ana Gasteyer Ox... Horatio Sanz T-Bone... Hugh Jackman Myrtle... Rachel Dratch Male Adult Actor... Dean Edwards Female Adult Actor... Tina Fey [Keanu Reeves walks in front of a white background and address the camera. He talks v-e-r-y slowly, trying very hard not to talk like a surfer.] Keanu Reeves: Hello, my name is Keanu Reeves. You may remember me as the star of the international blockbuster, The Matrix. Besides my believable and heartfelt portrayal of Neo, what made the movie a hit were the amazing visual and special effects. The Matrix broke new ground in its inventive camera angles and rotation shots. Audiences were amazed, they were like, "woah!" [He stops to smack himself in the head, talking to himself] Don't say woah! Don't say woah! Remember what speech coach said! [To the camera] But lately, the movie industry has been flooded by Matrix parodies. Nearly every film you see nowadays has some sort of parody or reference to a Matrix special effect. In the past year, we have seen Matrix parodies in Charlie's Angels, Shrek, Osmosis Jones, and Scary Movie, among others. Here is one example, from this summer's film, American Pie 2. [cut to a movie clip] Michelle: Jim, if you're going to be with Nadia, you have to learn some things. First, like how to unhook a bra. Jim: Hmm... like this? [Jim reaches one hand under the back of her shirt. The camera pauses, the action rotates slowly 180 degrees around the back of Michelle. The action resumes as Jim tries to unclasp the bra.] Keanu Reeves: As you can see, this effect added nothing to the scene. It was completely gratuitous, and kind of annoying. Even more annoying was this similar scene, from The Grinch who Stole Christmas. [cut to movie clip] Cindy Lou: Who are you? Grinch: Why, I am the Grinch! I have taken all your presents, and you will have no Christmas! Ha ha ha ha! Cindy Lou: Eat lead, Grinch! [Cindy Lou pulls out a gun and fires at him. The camera slows as the bullet traces zip through the air. The Grinch falls backwards, dodging the bullets, as the camera rotates around the action.] Keanu Reeves: This scene was jarring and just doesn't make any sense. There was never a gun in the classic Dr. Seuss fable! I should know, I read it myself. This scene was like, dude, out of control. [Stops to whack his head again] Bad Keanu! Don't say dude! No woah or dude! [To camera again] Even more ridiculous are these other Matrix parodies we have found. [cut to a clip of Martha Stewart Living] Martha Stewart: Hi, I'm Martha Stewart. Today we are making a festive turkey marmalade. To begin with, I have to baste the turkey. For this, I will use my special 18th century cranberry basting broth. [The camera pauses. The camera slowly rotates around her 180 degrees. She resumes basting with the camera looking over her shoulder.] [cut to another clip, of the Jerry Springer show. Everyone is total white trash.] Ox: I can't believe you slept with T-Bone! Myrtle: It's only 'cause you was at work all day. I needed someone to keep me company! Ox: Yeah, but he's my best friend! T-Bone: I aint your friend, fat boy. I'm just the father of your woman's baby! [audience cheers] She needed a real man around the house. Ox: You (bleep)ing (bleep)! [Ox jumps out of his chair and leaps in the air. The camera pauses and rotates around the stage. The action resumes, in slow motion, as Ox unleashes a flurry of karate kicks and punches at T-Bone, while still floating in the air.] [cut to another clip, of the Spice channel. Two actors stand in bathrobes.] Male Actor: Hey baby, I sure want to get with you. Female Actor: Why don't we slip into something more comfortable? [She drops her robe, and we see her from behind. We see her bare butt.] [The camera pauses and slowly rotates around both actors until it is behind the male. It resumes and he drops his robe, we see his butt as well. They embrace.] Keanu Reeves: America, I think you can see why the Matrix references need to stop. Hollywood, it was funny at the start, but now it is getting annoying. Kind of like Rosie O'Donnell. Please, everyone do your part to end the Matrix parodies, and we will be better off in the long run. I'm Keanu Reeves, thank you and God bless, dude. [end] Rate or review this sketch. |
