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Setting: Taliban's cave (bombs and gunfire heard from outside) Al-Qaida 1: Osama, I've got some bad news for you. The Americans are close to finding our cave. This means I should probably kill you now. Osama bin Laden: Kill me. Why do you want to kill me? Al-Qaida 1: So they will never take you alive, remember? Osama bin Laden: I got a better idea. I sneak out one of the many exits we have in this cave? Al-Qaida 1: The Americans have bombed them all shut. The only way out is the front door and they will see you leave with their spy plane. Al-Qaida 2: You lucky goat. Pretty soon you'll be in heaven with all the dancing girls. Osama bin Laden: The dancing girls can wait. I have to plan my escape. I will call the Taliban in Kandahar and they will rescue me. [ he dials his cell phone ] Voice on the other end: I'm sorry, you have reached a number that has been real recently disconnected. [ he hangs up quickly ] Osama bin Laden: I have a better idea. Why don't we send out someone that looks like me and they will follow him. Al-Qaida 1: We tried that. Only got $1.95 for his head. Al-Qaida 2: Osama head worth millions. He gets dancing girls, we get lots of money. Everybody happy. Osama bin Laden: I don't want to hear no more about dancing girls. Al-Qaida 1: Qe must hurry before their forces overtake us. [ more bombs and gunfire ] [ breaks away to a couple of Al-Qaida men standing outside the cave entrance, shooting their own guns in the air and laughing. (showing their own plot to get ransom money) ] [ back inside cave ] Al-Qaida 1: I need to cut off your head before things get worse. Osama bin Laden: How could things get any worse? [ Geraldo Rivera enters the cave with camera crew ] Geraldo Rivera: This is Geraldo Rivera reporting live for Fox News. Osama bin Laden: Maybe he's looking for Al Capone. Geraldo Rivera: Point the camera at him. Let's get his suicide on film. [ Osama throws a chair at Geraldo and runs out the cave ] Geraldo Rivera: You broke my friggin' nose! [ Al-Qaida men look at each other and realize their fortune is getting away ] Al-Qaida 1: Baby needs some shoes. [ they run out the cave after Osama ] [ Geraldo gets up from being hit with chair, dusts himself off and starts walking out the cave while saying ] Geraldo Rivera: Next guy who throws a chair at me, I'm going to kick his ass! [ end ] Rate or review this sketch. |
