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Hunter Thompson.....Chris Kattan Madonna.....Amy Poehler [standard studio setting, interviewer and guest seated in swivel chairs, blue backdrop] Hunter Thompson: Hi. I am Hunter Thompson, media giant and Gary Trudeau’s inspiration for the character, Duke, brought here to interview semi-legendary singer Madonna on her latest and greatest romp into banality with the release of her new album. Madonna, good to see you. Madonna: Hunter, always a pleasure when you’re sober. Hunter Thompson: First lets talk about your album. Of course the question on everybody’s lips is “why? Why? For the love of God, why?” Madonna: Hunter, creatively I just felt the need to expand my musical horizons. I’ve done pop and top 40, hip-hop, disco and country music. I felt the need to conquer a new arena, one that’s never been conquered before, just like you would feel the need to conquer a new psychtropic, that you had never conquered before. Hunter Thompson: Which begs the question, with all the musical styles out there, why Muzak? Madonna: Why muzak? Because muzak was waiting for me. Over my twenty years at the top, some of my fans have aged. They’ve made the transition from material girls to desperate soccer moms and now what they listen to is the wordless melodies of elevator music. It took me to add heart and a little kick-ass to those compositions that everyone loves and get those future grannies jamming in their mini-vans. Hunter Thompson: Some critics are saying that your throat has given out and you can no longer perform and that as lead singer on an album with no lyrics, you’ve brought to the music industry what Ronald Reagan brought to government office, credit taking without any personal responsibility or individual ideas. Madonna: That is just bullshit. I personally chose the musicians, chose the songs and choreographed every music video. And as for that other thing, half of Manhattan personally know what my throat is still capable of. Every hum you hear is all Madonna. When I’m humming “Sweet Emotion” in concert, the fans know that I’m not just lip synching. Hunter Thompson: Would that be because your lips aren’t moving? But, please, tell me more about these alleged videos. Madonna: MTV has finally figured out that they only people getting pregnant these days are poor immigrants or inner city kids who can’t afford birth control. It was only a matter of time before they figured out that the children of poor people are even poorer than their parents and couldn’t support the advertisers necessary for a commercial enterprise. So my album “Muzak” will be launched simultaneously with 10 videos that will all air on the new all-muzak MTV3. If it works out, I’ll make a fortune for helping get this off the ground. If it doesn’t work, none of my younger fans will ever admit they even heard of a muzak channel and I can go on like it never happened. Hunter Thompson: You say your fans can appreciate the subtleties of you bouncing and humming forgotten old tunes done to a geriatric rhythm? I realize they are your fans, but perhaps you can be known as the first person outside of Fox TV to underestimate the public’s taste? Madonna: It’s about the entire musical experience. The fans will appreciate the purity of the music and the vision of the videos. Hunter Thompson: Wow. Madonna is telling me about purity. I have finally achieved the sex addict’s nirvanah and can now die happy. [He clutches his hands to his heart and collapses onto the floor. Madonna looks around and then up for a few seconds, then gets up and walks away] [end] Rate or review this sketch. |
