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Spokesman.....Jeff Richards Man.....Darrell Hammond Woman.....Amy Poehler Taliban Soldier.....Will Ferrell U.S. Green Beret.....Dean Edwards [ cue bizarre Sprint PCS theme sound effects ] [ scene shows man, woman, and Sprint spokesman standing in a rugged, mountainous area. Loud war noises - planes, bombs, gunfire - in background ] Spokesman: How did you get here? Man: [ shouting over noise ] Well, I called my travel agent and asked about finding a good vacation package to Bora Bora. Instead, he gave us a one-way trip to Tora Bora. Woman: We don't know what to say. Harvey had always been a reliable travel agent, he would never send us to a place like this. Spokesman: Were you using a cellular phone? Man: Yea, this one. [ hands phone to Spokesman ] Spokesman: [ looks at phone ] It must have been the static. Here, you need Sprint PCS. The PCS system goes beyond normal cellular phones, so all your calls are clear. [ Spokesman hands PCS phone to man, and throws the old phone off a cliff. ] Man: Thank you. Spokesman: [ looks at camera ] A problem solved in an unstable world. [ Suddenly, a bunch of Taliban soldiers run up to the Spokesman and start hitting him with shiny blunt metal objects ] Taliban Soldier: Qali' Allah ibd Tallaballaballah!! Woman: Oh my God, they're gonna kill him! Man: I hope they do. Woman: Here! Use that Sprint PCS phone to call for help! Man: To hell with that! I'm not gonna call for help... I've been waiting four years for this to happen! Woman: You can't be serious? Man: Damn right I'm serious, honey! Ever since this jackass came on the air with his stupid commercials, I've been driven insane. Call for help if you want, honey, but I'm gonna help in my own way! [ Man picks up some tank shrapnel and joins with the Taliban soldiers, beating the Spokesman ] Woman: [ using phone ] Hello? 911? I'm in Afghanistan, and Taliban troops are beating up the Sprint PCS Spokesman! ... Yes, from those commercials! ... What?! You won't connect me to an army official? Why? ... Because you hate those commercials?! ... Come on, they aren't that bad! [ close to Sprint PCS logo ] [ SUPER: Sprint PCS: We got rid of that dumb guy... so now our commercials are as clear as our calls. ] Rate or review this sketch. |
