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Cut to some beautiful shots of Northern California woods. Nice slow country music is heard. SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: HERRING FISHING IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA Cut to two older fisherman in a little boat on a lake early in the morning. Voice-Over: Every morning at 6:35 a.m., Hank Jonesburo and Biff Paragould go out on a lake and fish for herring. They've done this same routine for the last forty-seven years and not once, have they ever caught a herring. Cut to Hank in the forest. We see Biff in the background, wrestling with some sort of sea monster like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Hank: (to camera) Well the main problem in fishing for herring in Northern California is the fact that there are no herring in Northern California. (notices Biff) Voice-Over: But that hasn't stop them from trying. Cut to the two back in the boat on the lake. Hank sits on one end while Biff sits on the other, both with their fishing lines out. Biff: I caught something. Hank: Is it a herring? Biff: No. It's just forty pound bass. Hank: Throw it back. Voice-Over: You'd think that after years and years of trying, they'd finally give up. But no, not these two. Just what is their motivation? Cut back to Hank and Biff in the forest, talking to the camera. Biff: Well my great great grandfather, Old Biff Paragould, now Dead Biff Paragould, started herring fishing here in Northern California back in 1866 and he caught tons of herring in these lakes. Hank: Yeah but he put them there. Biff: Well of course he put them there! There's no herring in Northern California! They're only found up in the Atlantic. Hank: Oh yeah. I didn't think about that. Cut to some more beautiful Northern California shots except for one short picture of a half-naked woman. Voice-Over: Yes. The woods of Northern California are filled with all sorts of exotic and wonderful creatures, but yet there are no herring. Cut to Biff and Hank walking in the forest. A noise is heard like that of a growling bear. Biff: What's that? They nervously look around but then, Hank points to something. Hank: Awh. It's just Bigfoot. The camera turns to find the legendary Bigfoot just walking by. Cut back to the two fishing in the boat. Hank: (to camera) A lot of people ask us "Why don't we just close up shop?" and really, that's a good question that me and Biff have often wondered. The only reasons we came up with was that, if we were to stop, we wouldn't have anything else to do, and secondly, if we were actually ever to catch a herring, just think of all the great notoriety we'd receive. Biff: Hey Hank. Come take a look at this. Biff and Hank sit and look down into the water. Hank: Looks like a plesiosaur. Biff: I thought they were extinct. Hank: Guess not. Just then, a weird humming sound is heard. Alien: (OFF-SCREEN) Greetings, Earthlings. Hank and Biff turn around to find a strange looking alien in their boat. Alien: I have come from the planet, Neptune, to sign a peace treaty with Earth and to share technological and medical advances that only us Neptunions know. Just then, Hank kicks the alien off the boat with his legs. The alien falls in the water and drowns. Hank: Bloody alien. Biff: That's the sixth time this week that's happened. Hank: We don't care anything about stupid aliens. Biff: Yeah. All we care about is herring. Black out. Rate or review this sketch. |
