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[ "Star Wars" music begins ] [ deep voice of male hollows over speaker ] Deep Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, deep in the neighbourhoods of the Bronx, young children contemplate who was the most significant leader of the beautiful nation of the United States: Bill Clinton or George W. Bush, and who has developed this country to the highest state in political democracy. It's the battle of the right to power, the battle of the political giants, the battle of the presidents.. please welcome your host.. JJJJAY LENO! (Jay Leno walks out to crowd's applause) Jay Leno: Jeez, I feel like Jerry Springer or something. Wow, I never thought Prez vs. Prez. I think the question would be why, but once I'm getting $400 an hour, who cares, right? Okay, let me introduce our former president, known for receiving blow jobs in high-ordered political offices like the Oval Office. Please come on out BILL CLINTON! (Clinton walks out with Hillary and Monica behind him, he walks across and sits down on a red stool) Jay Leno: And his opponent, a rough Texan all the way from.... Texas, known for his speeding, his spitting and those bitter vendettas, GEORGE W BUSH! (Bush walks out alone, sits down on blue stool) Okay. The rules are you have to compare each other's highest accolade until the other hasn't any accolades left. A point will be denoted by a bing, which sounds like BING. You understand? (both men nod) Jay Leno: Mr. Clinton, you start, followed immediately by Mr. Bush. GO! Bill Clinton: Uuum.. I was educated at Georgetown, Oxford and Yale. BING! George W. Bush: My daddy owns an oil business. Bill Clinton: I ran for Congress in 1974. BING! George W. Bush: My daddy fought in World War 2. Jay Leno: Mr. Bush, this is about you, not your DADDY. George W. Bush: Right. Bill Clinton: I was the youngest state Governor in the U.S. BING! George W. Bush: Uuuuummmm... Bill Clinton: I was re-elected Governor in 1980. BING! George W. Bush: I....am...the President of the......United States of America. BING! Bill Clinton: I was, too - 1992 to 2000. BING! George W. Bush: Uuuuummmm... Bill Clinton: I was the chairman of the National Governor's Association. BING! George W. Bush: So was I. Jay Leno: No, you weren't. Point deducted. Bill Clinton: I married Hillary. George W. Bush: That's right you did. I didn't. BING! Bill Clinton: I presented a national economic strategy that proposed government investment, reduction of national debt, and tax reduction. BING! George W. Bush: I hate Osama bin Laden. BING! Bill Clinton: I contributed to the peace process in northern Ireland. BING! Jay Leno: Wow, I think we have a winner. With a score of 8-2 - President Bill Clinton. (Hillary and Monica run over and kiss him) Jay Leno: Thanks for watching at home, folks. Tune in next week for Taliban vs. Northern Alliance. Rate or review this sketch. |
