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(TITLE CARD: Exactly like the poster for "Phantom of the Opera", but with a hockey mask instead of the phantom's mask) (CAMPERS enter twin CABIN INTERIORS - one girls, one boys, as they choose bunks and unpack for their summer stay, they exuberantly SING:) THE LAKE SONG (to the tune of "Hair") ALL: Give us a lake with boats, bugs, bees and boats tennis, volleyball, barbecues and boats Give us summer breezes, GIRLS: little boys who please us BOYS: little girls who tease us ALL: Counselors, cabins, goodbye mommy, daddy we are there Where? Here! Where? Back at Crystal Lake We are there Where? Here! There! Back at Crystal Lake Rowing, growing, spreading adolesence all around. BOYS: We are young, hunky, randy, dandy, poppin' lockin' campers GIRLS: We are young, cute and oversexed, we even make good dancers ALL: 'Cause we're back at Crystal Lake for a summer we can take BOYS: Fishing, GIRLS: flirting, driving the boys crazy ALL: Crystal Lake! Great! Tempt fate -let's all get together Crystal Lake! Great! Tempt fate -nothing lasts forever Now we're back at Crystal Lake and this summer will be great GIRLS: Swimming, BOYS: color war, nooky by the score ALL: Crystal Lake! Great! Tempt fate -meet in the woods at midnight Crystal Lake! Great! Tempt fate -bring blankets and a flashlight We are there! Where? Here! Where? Back at Crystal Lake We are there! Where? Here! There! Back at Crystal Lake Rowing, glowing, spreading adolescence all around!! (Stage DARKENS. Behind them, outside, in the trees, JASON stands a lonely vigil, peering forlornly at the cabin lights.) BY THE TREE (To the tune of "On the Street Where You Live") I have often stalked through these woods before But the campers rarely strayed too close to eat before I've the urge to kill and it's such a thrill Hiding here by the tree where they live Kids are making love and that puzzles me Don't they know that teenage sex is what enrages me I've the perfect way how to make their day Standing here by this tree where they live And oh, the overpowering feeling just to know their demise is near The overpowering feeling that any second I will gut them like a deer Nothing bothers me as I'm standing here Waiting oh so patiently for one to venture near I'm misunderstood, my childhood was no good Pity me by the tree where they live Come to me by this tree where you live. (BLACKOUT. SPOTLIGHT on KEVIN and NIKKI downstage left making out on a blanket in the woods at midnight to the light of a Coleman lantern. Wrapped in each other's arms, they sing:) SUMMER LOVE (to the tune of "They Can't Take That Away From Me") KEVIN: The way you kiss my nose NIKKI: The way you touch my cheek KEVIN: I feel my spirit grow NIKKI: No! We're going home in just a week KEVIN: The way your tank top gleams NIKKI: The way your hi-tops reek KEVIN: You know I love you so NIKKI: No! We're going home in just a week. (JASON steps from the shadows. They scream. BLACKOUT. Thunderclap. Guitars kick in. SPOTLIGHT UP on SUSIE sleeping fitfully in her bunk. CHORUS SINGS V.O. as SUSIE tosses and turns choreographed to the music.) LITTLE SUSIE, WAKE UP (to the tune of "Wake Up, Little Susie") Wake up, Little Susie, wake up Wake up, Little Susie, wake up Bebop, shimmy and shake Now your life is at stake Your friends are dead, he's chopped their heads and chucked them in the lake Wake up, Little Susie, wake up, Little Susie- (SUSIE wakes up with a terrified gasp in her bunk. She senses something is terribly wrong. Guitar continues softer under action continuing thread into next song.) SUSIE: Nikki? Tracey? (She gets up, turns on the cabin lights, including a bedside table lamp. The beds are empty. She screams, falls to her knees. Guitars kick in, even more ferocious than before. LIGHTS UP on JASON, outside in the woods, machete in hand, walking relentlessly toward her cabin (on an unseen treadmill to produce this effect). GONE (to the tune of "Gone, Gone, Gone") JASON: One stormy night, baby, when everything seems alright, baby You'll wake up and find you're alone Now you're on your own 'Cause they're all gone, really gone And I'm coming home, cut you to the bone (Guitars hammer down. JASON does an Elvis-style hip-swivel dance movement and keeps on coming. Lightning flashes. DONNA looks frantically around the cabin for some sort of weapon.) DONNA: One stormy night, Jason, you're giving me such a fright, Jason I wish I never strayed far from home Everybody's gone, really gone (She grabs the tablelamp, rips off the lampshade, unscrews the bulb, waits by the door) Now it's time to pay, it's judgement day (Guitars wail. The cabin door flies open. JASON stands there, lightning flashing and thunder crashing behind him. He's dripping wet from the rain. SUSIE smashes the plugged in tablelamp into his chest! He shimmies and shakes to the wild guitar riffs, electrocuted!! An enormous, glittering flytrap falls from the rafters, crashing to the stage. BLACKOUT.) (FINALE. SUSIE sitting on the edge of the dock, dangling her bare feet in the water. Her suitcases are packed, she's waiting for the bus to come take her back to the suburbs. She has a few burnmarks on her face and her arm is in a sling. She's wearing a pretty summer dress.) BLACK EYES AND BRIGHT BLOODY NOSES (to the tune of "Everything's Coming Up Roses") SUSIE: I had a dream, a dream about you, Jason I think it came true, Jason They think that you're through, but Jason... (Bus horn beeps. She gets up, picks up her suitcase with her one good arm and strolls languidly to the waiting bus, singing to the sunlight. A screen above the stage starts showing clips from various "Friday the 13th" movies, cut in sync to the music.) Give 'em hell, give 'em hate You're gonna be back, I can't wait Come on in, take a limb Until everyone's pushing up daisies You're a brute, you're a hoot Gonna crush the whole world 'neath your boot Killing teens, hear them scream Until everyone's pushing up daisies (Puts down her suitcase, belts it out:) I can hear you answering all of my questions I can feel you rummaging through my intestines Throwing up! Getting sick! Brah, I gotta get outa here quick You're the cream! You're the top! Rage on, dude! Never stop! That short sharp shock they talk about is due Jason, Everyone's pushing up daisies and daffodils Everyone's gonna get gooshed 'til you get your fill (With a flourish she yanks off her sling, tosses it into the audience, exultantly shouting:) Endless!! (and sings the last line with both arms outstretched:) Black eyes and bright bloody noses for me and for you!!!! (Film montage ends with a flurry of TITLES: PART 1, PART II, III, IV, etc. and BLACKOUT) Rate or review this sketch. |
