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Coach Loudmouth - Darrell Hammond Coach Nutt - Will Ferrell Brian - Jimmy Fallon Ben - Seth Meyers Brad - Horatio Sanz Johnny - Chris Kattan Romeo - Dean Edwards Cornell - Tracy Morgan Paul Dole - Jeff Richards Coach Loudmouth: Hello, team, I'm glad you all are here, sharing your spirit of the Tigers at Tiger High, so this is another meeting we are having in the locker room, the issue is the bathrooms. Coach Nutt: Yeah, we cancelled a practice due to September 11th. Coach Loudmouth: Yeah, anyone want to talk about the bathrooms. Brian: Yeah, they are very stinky and dirty, it smells like a horse took a crap in there, they are just so stinky. Ben: Yeah, the boy's room reeks. Brad: Yeah, I fart loud, all the time, because I am fat, and also um.....um... Johnny: The other day Romeo and Cornell pulled their pants down in front of us. Romeo: Yeah, the hell I remember that!! Cornell: Yeah, it was sunny!! Coach Loudmouth: Okay, also I would like to say that, we are going to do practice on Tuesday again. We did it on a Monday once, after the Attack on America. Now, we know about the bathrooms, we know about the crotch flash, we also know that stuff, so what ever happens I am sure it will work out. Now on to something else, There has been a rumor that Paul Dole will join the team. Brian: Not him! Ben: No! Bard: He calls me Fatso. Johnny: He thinks I look like a nerd. Romeo: He thinks I look like a pineapple. Cornell: He thinks I'm chubby. Brian: He thinks Ben and I are gay. Ben: Yeah! Coach Loudmouth: Well, I'm sorry to inform you that he is joining the team, and he wanted to, he told me he wanted to join. Coach Nutt: Yeah, if Dole signs up, he's on this team, I'm sorry to inform you, he is joining the team, yes he is, and he will not give up, and if you don't like him I am very sorry. Brian: I don't care! Ben: How would you feel if yo uwere on the team and some guy came to the team and called your team's members names? Brad: I'd feel bad. Johnny: I actually don't want him. Romeo: I don't want to be a pineapple. Cornell: I don't want to be called a black bean. ( door opens) Paul Dole: Hey, Coach Loudmouth! Coach Loudmouth: Welcome to the team, Paul. Paul Dole: Well, look whose here? Brian: Oh no! Paul Dole: Brian and Ben! The homos! Ben: Shut up, Paul! You don't even know what you're talking about. Brian: (laughs) Yeah! We are not gay! Paul Dole: Nerd! Johnny: Sit on it, Paul! Shut the hell up! Brad: I know I'm fat, but don't call me Fatso! Paul Dole: You are so fat, I don't even know why you wear a jockstrap! Brad: Paul!! Paul Dole: You are so fat, that when you get a wedgie or fart, your strap rips! Brad: Paul, if I was not on the team, I would beat you up 'til you drop dead! Paul Dole: Oh, really? Brad: Yeah! Romeo: Don't call me.. Paul Dole: Pineapple!! Cornell: Don't say I am a.. Paul Dole: Big Black Bean! Coach Nutt: Okay, he's on the team, but no fighting or you will get kicked off. You will continue to have problems with Paul. Team: Awwwww, man! Paul Dole: Ha! Ha! (imitating Nelson Muntz) Haw Haw! Coach Loudmouth: Okay, let's go to practice. Team and Paul Dole: Yay! (end) Rate or review this sketch. |
