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Jumpin' Jack Sharp.....Ian McKellen Sarah Leavey.....Tina Fey Dale Hackbarth.....Chris Parnell Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Hi, and welcome to "Jump The Shark: The Game Show!", where you decide when life events began their ultimate nosedive! I'm your host, Jumpin' Jack Sharp, and we've got two contestants who are ready to play, so let's get started! Our categories are: "Television", "Movies", "Popular Music", "World Events", "Politics" and "Mixed Bag". Sarah Leavey, you're our returning champion, so you select! Sarah Leavey: Great! I'll take Television, for $200. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Alright! And the television show is: "Cheers". When did "Cheers" officially "jump the shark"? Sarah Leavey: Hmm.. I'm going to say when Shelley Long left the show and Kirstie Alley came aboard. Does that count as one answer or two? Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Both those answers are the same, yet neither is the shark-jumper we're looking for. Our challenger this evening is Dale Hackbarth. Dale, can you answer our Jump The Shark question involving the television show "Cheers". Dale Hackbarth: That show lasted a long time, so it's really hard to think of it as ever being unsuccessful. But I did become a little aggravated when that portly Paul Willson become a regular at the bar. [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Paul Willson joins the cast is the correct answer! Dale, the board is yours! Dale Hackbarth: Uh.. let's try Popular Music for $400. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: For $400: The Beatles. Dale Hackbarth: I would say that The Beatles jumped the shark when.. they tried to make us think Paul was dead.. no, wait! Not Paul! Yoko! [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Yoko Ono's presence is the correct answer! You're hot, Dale, pick again! Dale Hackbarth: Same category, $600. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Alright, the answer is: Elton John. Dale Hackbarth: Oh, that's easy. Elton John jumped the shark when he kissed Eminem on the Grammys. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Good try, Dale, but that's incorrect. Sarah, a chance to steal! Sarah Leavey: I think Elton jumped the shark after his failed suicide attempt in the 70's. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: That would stand to reason, but the correct answer is: when he started singing all that crap for the Disney movies. That was a tough one. Dale, the board's still in your hands. Dale Hackbarth: That category's starting to get hard. Let's try World Events for $800. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: And the answer is: September 11th. Dale Hackbarth: Uh.. I would say September 11th jumped the shark when Guiliani appeared on "Saturday Night Live". Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Close, but not quite. Sarah, it's up to you. Sarah Leavey: That was a big news event, I agree, but I think September 11th jumped the shark on September 12th. [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: September 12th, it is! A very emotional story the first day, but by Day 2 it was nothing more than a lot of people whining. We've still got our license, let's keep this game moving, Sarah! Sarah Leavey: I like World Events. Let's try it for $1,000. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: For $1,000 in World Events: Elian Gonzalez. Sarah Leavey: Oh! That would have to be when the INS agent stormed the house and aimed the gun at Elian in the closet. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: [ laughing with delight ] Foreignor, go home! A good answer, but no, I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Dale? Dale Hackbarth: I, uh.. no. I've got nothing. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: That's too bad. The correct answer was: Elian survived on the raft. I know that's wrong to say, but hey, it's the truth! Still your board, Sarah. Sarah Leavey: Give me Politics for $400. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Gary Condit. Sarah Leavey: Oh, man, I think I know this one.. Chandra Levy's disappearance? Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Nice try, but incorrect. Dale? Dale Hackbarth: The intern's disappearance was tragic, but I think Condit blew it when he did the interview with Connie Chung. [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Way to go, Dale! We only have a minute to go in the game, pick again! Dale Hackbarth: We haven't tried Mixed Bag. Let's see what that is, for $200. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Mixed Bag could be about anything. For $200, we want to know when The XFL jumped the shark. Dale Hackbarth: Um.. when people realized it was stupid and ludicrous? Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Well, which is it? Stupid, or ludicrous? Dale Hackbarth: Uh.. stupid. [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: That's correct! We also would have accepted dumb and moronic. Dale Hackbarth: Cool! Let's go again, for $600. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: For $600: K-Mart. Dale Hackbarth: I think K-Mart jumped the shark when Wal-Mart began to overshadow them. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Makes sense, but no. Sarah, you can take the lead if you get this one right. Sarah Leavey: Well, I, personally, have refused to shop at K-Mart ever since they introduced the Martha Stewart line of clothing. Puh-leeze! [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: And you've taken the lead! Next question, please hurry! Sarah Leavey: Movies, for $400. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: For $400 in movies, the answer is: "The Pink Panther" series. Sarah Leavey: Easy! When they kept making the movies after Peter Sellers died. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: An obvious answer, but not quite correct. Dale, you can come back with this one. Dale Hackbarth: I'd say when David Niven died. No Clouseau, no Phantom; by then, what was really the point? [ bell buzzes ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: And that's the death we were looking for! [ end of round buzzer ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: And Dale, who came from behind at the last minute, is tonight's winner! I'm so sorry, Sarah, it looks like you've finally jumped the shark! [ chuckles heartily ] I tell that joke every night, and it still cracks me up! But, Sarah, you are leaving us today with $1,400. Don't spend it all in one place. Dale, it's time to play Super Jump The Shark! To win our $10,000 grand prize, all you have to do is answer five Jump The Shark questions in under ten seconds! Are you ready! Dale Hackbarth: I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Jack, let's do it! Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Do it, we will! The clock is ready, and... go! [ clock starts counting down ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Chevy Chase! Dale Hackbarth: Oh, uh.. uh.. "Oh, Heavently Dog!" Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Correct! Burger King! Dale Hackbarth: I, uh.. oh! That Herb guy. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: 2 for 5! John F. Kennedy! Dale Hackbarth: Bay of Pigs! Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Excellent! "Nightline"! Dale Hackbarth: Uh.. uh.. two weeks ago! Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Alright, we'll accept that! And, finally, for 5 out of 5: Victoria's Secrets! Dale Hackbarth: Uhhhh.. Victoria's Secrets jumped the shark? I, uh.. Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Come on, Dale! Dale Hackbarth: [ nearly weeping ] I.. don't know.. the answer.. [ end of Super Jump The Shark buzzer ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: Ohhhhhhh, I'm sorry, Dale! The correct answer was: when the models stopped posing like sluts in the catalogues. You remember those days, don't you, when the models would be lying on their backs across satin bedsheets with their legs dangling toward the ceiling - anyway! Dale, you're taking home $1,600 today, plus you'll be coming back tomorrow to play more Jump The Shark! Are you excited! Dale Hackbarth: [ disappointment in his eyes ] I can't stand the excitement, Jack. [ starts to weep ] Jumpin' Jack Sharp: And don't you jump the shark or change the channel, becuase we'll be back tomorrow to play more.. Jump The Shark!! Good night, everyone! Rate or review this sketch. |
